Family and Stuff

I try not to blog about to personal of things. Sometimes, its just best not to let the whole world in on what you are feeling or experiencing. Then again, writing has always been the one way I let things out and might as well use it again.. but we will start with the good thing!
Most of you all know I have a job now. God must have known what he was doing when he let those other jobs pass because I love this job and so far so good!! Its exactly what I was looking for and within 2 days of putting in my resume, I had an interview and then a couple of hours later, I was offered the job. I was at the end of my rope but like always, God was there to pull me up when I needed him the most. I know I know, people told me to be patient but I didnt know how much longer my family could have waited. God took care of us through this past year and he will continue to do so. I am proud to say my faith may have been shaken but it never left. And that was thanks to lots of prayers and lots of faith and support. So for anyone of you who said a prayer, thanks=)
And so now for the not so good stuff. Have you ever felt things change in other peoples lives because of you? Well this week it has hit me hard. When Ramon came into my life, it was the best thing ever. And in return it felt like it was the best in his life. I never wanted to feel like I was taking someone from someone or change it to where simple traditions were compromised. I know having a child already was an extra stress on Ramon but he never acted like that. He embraced us both from day 1 and to this day he has become another Godly male presence in Drews life, one I am so grateful for.
Now without saying anything point blank, my family is close. We have traditions, we do things together. It doesnt matter who is invited, if they are family, it doesnt matter who or what or where. Im used to that. But for some reason, me and my child has caused some changes to occur. Some that Im not used to and some that I blame myself for. For some reason, I cant let it go and I should. Ramon lets things go and I dont. Thats a huge mistake of mine. I let things get to me and I have to say something. Sometimes, its for the good and sometimes I need to keep my mouth shut. In this instance, I have kept my mouth shut and I will but when it comes to family. I shutter at the thought that I could disrupt anything or keep anyone from spending time with their family.
 But I have to remember that I came with a package and the only person that should care does care. He cares for both of us and loves Drew as his own. God placed him in our lives for reasons I know and reasons that day to day I continue to find out. I am thankful for his love, support and acceptance. And as far as other things, well, it gets to me. But I have a family who loves us and who will always support us and invite us to be a part in whatever they do. I pray that I get over things, little or big, and come out the better person. Some may look at this and think this is not the bigger person, but I feel better. =)

More About Love

What is love exactly? To everyone , it is something different. Ask anyone and I bet you will not get the same answer. I love hearing peoples thoughts because it always opens my eyes to something different. By far, though, my favorite quote about love is from Boy Meets World. There were actually 2 different scenes in which Cory and Topanga express what they think love is. The first one was when Topanga was forced to move and ran away to come back to Cory. And the second was there wedding vows.

Mom, Listen, I haven't been together with Topanga for twenty-two years, but we *have* been together for sixteen. 'Kay, that's a lot longer than most couples have been together. I mean, when we were born, you told me that we used to take walks in our strollers together in the park. When we were two, we were best friends, I mean, I, I knew everything about this girl. I knew her favorite color. I knew her favorite food. Then we became six, you know, and Eric made fun of me because it wasn't cool to have a best friend that was a girl or even know a girl, so for the next seven years I threw dirt at her. I like to call those "the lost years". Then when I was thirteen, Mom, she put me up against my locker and she kissed me. I mean, she gave me my first kiss. She taught me how to dance. She was always talking about these crazy things and I never understood a word she said. All I understood was that she was the girl I sat up every night thinking about, and when I'm with her I feel happy to be alive. Like I can do anything. Even talk to you like this. So that's, that's what I feel is love, Mom... When I'm better because she's here... and now she won't be. So we're finished.

I wasn't sure this day would ever come, but you were. I wasn't sure love could survive everything we put it through, but you were. You were always strong and always sure. And now I know I want you to stand beside me for the rest of my life. That's what I'm sure of.

 Ever since I was young I never understood anything about the world, and I never understood anything that happened in my life. The only thing that ever made sense to me was you, and how I felt about you. That's all I've ever known and that's enough, that's enough for me, for the rest of my life. Topanga, we gonna get married?

I dont know why these stick out to me but its because they are true. I have one more quote to share and then Im done with the quotes.. I promise..

AND IF YOU EVER DECIDED TO LEAVE ME I WOULD GO AND FIND YOU AND BRING YOU HOME BECAUSE YOU WOULD BE WRONG." -  Mad about you

Now there are a million other popular love quotes but these rank as my favorites. It doesnt take a poet to write about what love means. It doesnt take fancy words that I cannot pronounce to try and find out what love it. It hits everyone at different points in their lives. When do you know you really experience love? When did the words " I love you" really hold their meaning? I have always known I loved my family, that was a given. And when I missed them, I knew that was love. Then you go through school and think that every boyfriend you had in grade school, you loved. Hey, that was love back then, It is not until you are older that you look back and realize that was not love. 

For me, it became apparent the first time when I accepted Jesus into my heart. I had heard the story over and over again about how God had sent his son to die on the cross for our sins but it never clicked until that one moment. And I understood was love was. And it became even more apparent when I had my own son. I couldnt imagine him hanging on a cross for all the sins of everyone else. That WAS love. And the first time I laid eyes on my son, I loved him. He was my world and I have never felt a love like that. 

My ex husband was another one of my first loves and I still have a love for him because of that and a love for him because he is the father of my son. 

When I reconnected with Ramon, I was at an okay point in my life. My divorce was final and I had a good job and a wonderful son. What I didnt realize or count on was falling in love again so quickly. And I also didnt realize the heavy emotions that would come with it. 

Since my previous marriage had ended roughly, my opinion of guys turned pretty ugly. But I knew Ramon was different. And I knew it was love when he stepped back and let me go through what I needed to. He was there. The whole time. He knew y doubts and fears and yet he didnt waiver. He assured me he understood and refused to leave. There were plenty of times when it would have just been easier for him to leave. But he didnt. And this in return, made me stronger. He has made me the woman I am and he is the reason I believe in unconditional love. 

So while I cant put a definition on love. I live it every day. Through God, Ramon, Drew, family and friends.