Speaking of forgiving... I have been toying around with this writing about this for a while. I didnt know how to approach it or what stance to take but I knew I wanted to say something. So here goes
Forgiveness. Its something that we deal with everyday. Whether its forgiving a friend for saying something about you , a co-worker for getting you in trouble, a child who promised they would do something or maybe not on a daily basis.. but maybe its a parent who wasn't there when you needed them, or a spouse who didnt take the wedding vows as serious as you. There are all sorts and categories of forgiveness but its easy to say I forgive you, but to say it and truly mean it is something else. And to say you can forgive and forget, well I dont know that is truly possible.
Now Im gonna step on some toes when I go into this but isnt it best to be truthful and not write what people want to to hear? Matthew West recently wrote a song called " Forgiveness "The story behind it is a lady who forgave a man who killed her daughter while driving drunk. To hear her story is amazing. And to hear his response is once again pretty awesome.
Heres the link if you havent heard or read the story. Believe me, its a must read.
Check the story out here!
And one phrase from that story from Matthew West made me think and re think again about the whole concept.
"In Philip Yancey’s book What’s So Amazing About Grace?, he describes forgiveness as an unnatural act. I could not agree more. He writes, “I never find forgiveness easy, and rarely do I find it completely satisfying. Nagging injustices remain, and the wounds still cause pain. I have to approach God again and again, yielding to him the residue of what I thought I had committed to him long ago. I do so because the Gospels make clear the connection: God forgives my debts as I forgive my debtors.”
But do we actually need to forget what happened?
So as everyone knows my story, I can truly say, I juggled with forgiveness for a long time. Its easy to tell someone I can forgive you without thinking about it. But as time goes on, its more apparent that maybe you cant forgive that person. That its going to take a lot longer than you think to fully and truly say those words and mean it. And when more than one person is involved, its even trickier. For some of you, still dealing with this, I say its okay to take your time. I dont think its something you can just jump into. I believe some things are not worth saying if you dont truly feel it.
For me, I did jump into it quick. I thought this was the way to save my marriage. But then it hit me. Maybe I could forgive, but could I ever forget? Would I ever forget? The simple answer is no. So with time, prayer and faith, I began to try and look at the situation in different lights. Was it right for my husband to have an affair? No. Was it right for some woman to go ahead with the affair knowing that he was married and about to have a child? No. How could I possibly forgive them for messing up my life. For messing up my happily ever after. Clearly, they werent feeling the pain. They werent worried about anything but being together and booting me out. The wounds were open and painful. And they were there for the whole world to see. Getting the sympathy looks at church and at work were horrible. Even the Bible says this was wrong. How could God expect me to forgive someone for doing this to me and our son?
But after time, it began to dwindle. The emotions of hate and sadness soon turned to joy and laughter. I knew I could stand on my own two feet and I knew that God had been with me the whole time. I knew I needed to forgive them, but I just couldnt do it. Not yet.
I remember sitting at home one night. Drew was with his father and I was home alone. I dont exactly remember what I was doing but I remember it hitting me. I started praying and I knew God was telling me, forgiveness. And I did. At that moment, in the silence of my house, I forgave them. And it was what I needed to move on. To push on and remember the past as what was good and not the bad.
Im not sure I will ever forget but I can use that as good. I can say, I got past it. I was strong and I overcame. I can say that even after everything. I forgive them.
And now I am in a marriage where God is the center. Where Drew looks up to my husband as another Godly father figure. Where I know what it truly means to be married and to love truly and deeply.
God is forgiveness. He forgives us every day for our sins. Hes the reason we have a home after this life. And when you think about it that way, forgiving people in our lives should be something we all do. And this is coming from experience...
Ive seen it heal a broken heart.
Ive seen it mend a family.
Ive seen it turn hatred into happiness.
