So what have you missed while I have been keeping you all in the dark? Well not much. Still in the same position I was this time last year. I guess the only difference is I am back with my parents again while my bestie moved to Texas. Yes people, Texas. Over 13 hours away. It was soo hard saying goodbye but it had to be done. He has a new job and is closer to his family. He seems to be happier. Things were just not going right. So Im glad ( okay well not too glad ) that he has found a place and a job and seems to be on a great track. I however am still stuck in the mud at moment. But I will slowly come out.
Which brings me to the point. The reason I wanted to start this over again. So this last year has been hard. It has had its ups and plenty of downs. Probably more of the downs but I promised myself not to focus on those as much.
So I have a lot on my plate. A lot that I havent really faced face to face. Things I keep putting in the back of my mind. Like when theres that food on your plate and you keep eating around it. You have thrown it out so many times but finally someone makes you taste it. And you either go in full force and throw it down so you wont have to taste it. Or you just pick until its either gone or you get throw it away again. But it will always re appear. Until you deal with it, it will always be there. For me, my plate is full and probably overflowing to another plate. And I keep raking it in the trash. And it keeps coming back. I dont want to deal. That would put me in the position of having to do or say things Im not ready to. Cause I know the outcome, I always do. And as much as I want to at least one time in my life to be wrong, I would be right. Its like you know whats going to happen so why actually do it?
Okay so there are a million reasons to but I see the one reason not to. I dont wanna. I simply dont want to bring up something Ive been ignoring for the past year just to revisit it again in real life. I can have the conversation with myself. I can tell myself the answer and let it slide right?
Okay so no. Why do we do this to ourselves? I mean hello. I am living proof that life can cut off at any given time. Why not hold on to some sort of hope that there may be good come out of things. But when you get hit in the head so many times its like nope. And you sulk and you pout and you sing pathetic songs just to drag yourself down again.
So I guess I have to face them. And its nothing bad. Its not like Im gonna be hauled off somewhere. It has to do with more me and only me. Yes the conversation where I sit down and talk to myself. And listen. And not bypass it.
So my new year resolution? To be honest with myself. To kick myself in the butt. To tell myself what I would tell anyone. To finally face stuff. To get over stuff. To move on. To be happy. To be gracious. All of that and more.. so another new year and another new ride. We will see where I end up.
Till next time..
