Well almost a year. I think it was July 28 actually. The day I was admitted to the hospital and began fighting for my life. When that happens to you, your perspective on life and everything changes dramatically. It really didn't it me until the other day when Ramon bought it up. But I do do things differently. My priorities have changed. My outlook has changed. The way I live and love have changed. And its hard. People dont get it. People looking in see my house as a mess and cluttered but I see it as time I have spent with my family. And no matter how much I try to convince some people of that, they just dont get it.
Time with people have changed. When you realize you could have lost it all, you suddenly want it all back and every second counts. And then when someone tells you you are acting dumb for wanting to spend time with someone, its just like you dont get it. So as I sit here with MY family tonight, I remember what is important. I remember I have a place where people love me and dont judge me for how I live or what I want to do. Its a horrible feeling to not be able to share everything good in your life because someone will be there to find one negative thing about it and keep reminding you about it. I dont have time to have that in my life nor do I feel like I need it. Luckily my husband and son are always here to remind me of that.
Its just been a really hard week. I got home after an amazing service at church and felt like I could kick this week in the butt but it somehow has fallen apart like always. The one good thing is that my sister and her family are in and that has helped. Even if I have gotten to spend a short amount of time with them, it has been time well spent. I dont get to see them very often and since I dont have a job, I like to take the opportunity to see them before they go home. They have such busy lives in GA that its hard for them to get away. And they have so many friends and family here that I think they are just as busy here as they are at home if not busier running around. Like I said, even though its a short time, at least its some time.
If I have learned anything this past year its that you have to live your life the way you want it and the way that God has planned it out to be. If following him means putting other stuff on hold that do it. Petty stuff that filled your heart and life before shouldnt be there. And most of all, I have learned that with God and my family, I can get through anything. Thanks to everyone who ever said a prayer for me this past year. Its been hard and I hope it just gets easier from here. With me going back to school and Drew starting school and money issues as always and praying for a job, it is still hard. But I pray God guides us through it. Somehow we still have a house and 2 cars and the electric and water has been on for more than a month now finally. We are struggling but I know the only person that can help is God. We have depended on him so much and still do. He gave me a son 5 years ago and a husband almost 3 years ago and I am forever grateful to say that I have never been closer to him than I am right now. I look forward to the future and again.. thanks everyone for coming along the ride with me=)
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