Catching Up...

So this past weekend I had the pleasure of catching up with an old friend. And by catching up, I mean a 3 hour phone conversation. It was one of those things that you just feel like God put that conversation there to give you hope. She has to be one of the most inspirational people I know and she never ceases to amaze me with how much she relies on God for EVERYTHING. Just to listen to her story on how she met her husband and how they paid for it was simply astounding. She is living proof that when you surround yourself with God and surrender your all, that Gods plan for you starts to unravel.
I also talked to another friend whose words sort of shook me a bit. It was something along the lines of  you need to fill yourself with God first and foremost. Between her and him, it was like Gods way of saying, Beth slow down and look to me.
I know he has a plan. I know theres someone out there for me. But I am not going to go search. When God is ready for me to meet him, he will somehow place him in my life. Who knows? I may not meet him for another month, year or years..or I may already know him. But when I get to that point of filling myself with him and giving it up to him. then I know I will be ready. I don't know how long that will be and right now I don't need to focus on that. I am not proud of being divorced twice but I can also say it wasn't me. I know God hates divorce but when you are left with no other reason then thats it.
I have been struggling with finding a good study or devotional on just using God to plan your life. But when it comes right down to it, I am also still struggling with getting over this divorce. These past 4 weeks or so have been great. I haven't shed a tear. And Im happy. I can genuinely say, Im happy. My job is wonderful. The people there do nothing but make me laugh and smile. Im impressing my bosses and everything is dandy. And I know God had a hand in that. Again, he knew I was going to need something to take my mind off of everything and with this job he has. But I still have to face him in a couple of weeks for the first time and I know its gonna be rough. So I know I still need to deal with this. Ive been going at it all wrong by just hiding my feelings inside. For those of you that read my blog , you would probably disagree, however, I never talked to anyone and just sort of cried it out. I had some time today after work so I stopped and was looking for a devotional of some sort. I wasn't sure really which one I should be looking after so I just browsed.
For those of you who attend church or maybe not, have probably heard of Celebrate Recovery. It was actually the first service I started singing at when I first started attending Calvary. It was amazing. To see the people lifting all they had to God and singing like it was they had. And for some, it may have very well been all that they had. A pastor of mine suggested that I attend a session or two after the divorce. I was hesitant given the fact that I thought it was just for people with addictions like to alcohol and drugs. etc.. I didn't need that. And I never gave it a second thought.
But as I was browsing the books, the Celebrate Recovery Devotional was sitting there like it was saying at least pick me up. And that I did. And as I read through it, I realized I was so wrong. WhatI had assumed was so far from the truth. I am starting the first chapter tonight. I may not be addicted to anything but for me its no drugs or alcohol running my life, its me. Im running the show. Im pretty sure I will come out of this a stronger Christian. And thats my prayer for me.
These 2 friends came at the right time. And while I won't mention their names, Im forever grateful.