Awww.. its the time of year where we eat, nap, watch football and then repeat. And depending on the size of your family, you may repeat this several times. Its also a time, that if you happen to live in the house where Thanksgiving is being held, you may hear grumbling, complaining and experience mood swings of the person that is cooking right up until the door bell rings. Then all of a sudden, everything is good and dandy. ( Not from personal experience, but fixing the meal can be a very stressful thing, and Im sure this has happened ) I have never had to cook because we always go to other family's houses. Which Im grateful for. But to be truthful, I really cant wait to have my own family again and actually cook the supper and have people over. Cooking for me is sort of a destressor. Now granted, I turn on my music and do better when its just me and nobody else but is my way of winding down if Im really stressed out about something.
Looking back this year, well, lets face it, its been a crappy year for me all in all. However, my goal is to take something positive out of each bad situation. If you continue to dwell on the bad of everything, then you arent going to be thankful but in bad there is a good. You just have to find it. Its like that for anything and anyone. So for me this year, I spent many MANY days in the hospital, almost died again, had my kidney removed, had to move in with my parents and went through a divorce. Most people dont experience all of this in a span of 5 year much less than 1 year, or in my case, sort of months. And some people dont experience this at all. But I did and it all was pretty much bad but like I said Im trying to find the good in all of it. So here it goes:
Going through my second divorce was horrible. It was an unseen event that I never saw coming which made it worse. And it has taken a me a while to get over the whole shock of it all but Im finally to the point to where I can say the past is in the past and I cant relive that over and over again in my head because it just tears you up. You cant go back and undo anything but you can move forward and try to make peace with the person and the situation. It is much easier when something ends and its a mutual decision and you know why but in this case, that was not what happened. Its not my job to try and decipher it anymore. I can learn from it and grow from it and thats exactly what I am trying to do. This led me believe I love again and trust again and thats what I needed. And thats what I gained from this relationship. But something else, unexpected, came out of this and that was I met someone who had become part of my life now and even though, boyfriend/girlfriend, it didnt work out, he has become one of my best friends and I am very grateful for him. I can rely on him and he is this amazing guy who I coulndt imagine not having in my life. So from shutting one person out of my life, led me to meeting him and even though I have been through some medical crap these last couple of months, he has been there with me through most of it. I couldnt ask for a better friend.
Having PICC lines after PICC lines and infections after infections, is well besides painful. very annoying. The hospital was my home for a long time. I became immune to most of the antibiotics I was on and finally deciding that my infections were coming from left kidney, we finally decided it was time to take it out. Now, my right one is not fully working and was only receiving 1/3 of the blood flow so we knew before we would be taking chances, but it finally came down to either risking my life and having nothing to fight another bad infection with, or just face the possibility of dialysis down the road. 2 years ago, my infectious doctor wanted to do this but it was ruled out given the function of that right kidney, but this time I was sick and tired of everything so we just took it out. When I left that hospital, I had never felt better. It seemed, at the time, that that is exactly what needed to happen. (We will just leave my infection now as a minor hiccup) Now through all of this, I got a wonderful job. I actually was able to use some of my degree as well. The people are great as well as the company. And I actually can say I am really happy there. Throughout all my sickness, they never once though of letting me go and I still have this job. I told them over and over again how grateful I was to them for this. Im just glad that there are still people out there who look at the quality of work you have done and take that in when you have to be out so much. I have worked my butt of for them but I dont mind it all. So Im sort of glad that other job didnt work out because I am so much happier here. So I guess getting so sick was a good thing because it made the doctors realize that I did need the kidney out. I was tired of playing roulette with my life and the right decision was made. I just wish we could have done it sooner. But if we had, again, I wouldnt have got this job that I had. Its funny how life works out sometimes...
I knew after the divorce and I got sick, that moving in with my parents was the only thing I could do. If I had been working, I could have gotten my own place but when you no income coming in, it sort of like, I had no choice. Im thankful that they live where I do so it was just basically moving across town. I couldnt imagine living in another state or city far away and this happening. But they were able to help while I was recovering and they helped with Drew. So even though right when I got home from surgery I wasnt able do much, I could still see my son. Now I have to admit, after you have been out of the house for a long while, you tend to get into your own routine. And so do they. So when you have to try and combine two totally different routines, it becomes stressful. In fact. my sister told me her Christmas present to me was for me not to buy anything for them so I could save my money so I could get out before we killed each other. =) And when Drew is here, it gets worse. Just because I let him do things and its get on my parents nerves and well... its just like I cant get out of here fast enough. I love them to death. I love that they let me live here. I love that they help with Drew when Im not feeling well. I love the fact that they help me even when I dont ask. And at times, yes, Im running for the door just to get out for a while but Im very grateful for their help and love during all of this. And I love the fact that I can still depend on them for anything. I have met some people who cant say that about their parents and it makes me appreciate mine even more. But you can bet as soon as I have the money saved up, Im out.=)
So those are the positives that I am trying to stay focused on. Of course Im thankful for more things such as family and friends but when I look back at the bad and stay focused on the good in them, it makes me even more grateful.
I hope you and your family have a very Happy Thanksgiving!
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