A couple of weeks ago, there was a question asked amongst our small group. It went something like .. If I would have never ________ then I would have never ___________. ( Something close to that ) I wont share my answer for that night but it was based on the lines of I am glad to be at the church I am at =) But it got me to thinking lately, about the what if's in our lifes? And why are we so concentrated on them? How many people get up each morning and say what if I would done this? Or what if I would have done it that way? Even spanning back to years and years ago in their lives. Im guilty as charged but its something I have been working on. Yes I can go back and say I wish I would have done it this way then I wouldnt have experienced what I did and my life would have turned out much better. But would it have? Since I didnt take that path, there is no way of telling if it would have worked out the way it did in my head.
I will give you a prime example. Ever since I was in Kindergarten I wanted to be a " weather girl " ( Its 7am and I dont feel like spelling that out lol ) I didnt want to be on the camera but I wanted to be behind the scenes studying it. Why things happen when they do. Especially storms and tornadoes. ( One day I will go on a chase.. my ultimate dream!! ) I had this dream up until high school, literally. Then along comes high school love and it sets you back. Now on my senior year, I had to figure out whether I wanted to go to Oklahoma and get my degree in Meteorology ( yay I think I spelled it right ) or stay here where my " love " was and be with him. Well you know my decision. I stayed here and worked and got my degree from EKU in Public Relations. At that points, my life was going in a good direction so I didnt regret my decision.
I dont think you ever regret the decision you make until something goes bad. And then you think, oh crap, what have I done? After graduation, building a beautiful house and becoming pregnant, I thought I had it all. And the thoughts on leaving KY after high school never even crossed my mind until that dreadful day of when I found out about my husband then. ( Wont go into details, see previous blogs... ) So during the divorce, thats when they what if's hit in and hit in hard. What if I would have went to Oklahoma? Then this wouldnt have happened. ( In my mind, it wouldnt have ) What if I would have been a better wife or kept the house cleaner or did more to prove I loved him? I mean the questions would beat down so hard on me that I would lose sleep. And for about a year, thats how I lived. Going back in my years past and thinking about what if I would have done it? And then it clicked. God knew what he was doing when he sent me down this path. It didnt really click though until I was spending time with Drew. Knowing that he wouldnt have been there if I would have done the what ifs earlier. Then I met my husband. I would have never know the sort of love he shows me every day and the real and true meaning of marriage. God knew exactly why he sent me down this road. I just didnt want to see it in his way. And even today I can go back and do the what ifs. But I really try not to. There is a reason we dont do them. God plans it. He knows what is best for us and in his time, not ours. he shows us. So as I struggle here and there I keep that in mind. I am not the one steering my life. I am here to serve God and to use his talents. And to live my life the way he wants me to. And thats what I strive to do every day. Its not perfect but who is?
So when the what ifs hit you., think about the good things that God has gave you out of them. He has given me plenty and I cant say I dont have regrets because I do, ( thats a whole nother blog ) but out of the regrets and the what ifs I have grown into a strong woman who can face anything. Thanks God=) You truly are amazing=)
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