Fearless

Have you ever been hit in the head so many times with the same message that you just have to listen to it? I mean really, it started off with a book I am reading, then every time I turned on the radio it was on, and then it continued with our Pastor’s sermon. The message? Don’t worry.

The book I am reading is called “Fearless” by Max Lucado. I was drawn to this book a couple of weeks ago. I was worrying about losing my job and other things and this book was sort of laid out of front of me. I like the examples he uses and the words just seem to hit home.

I listen to my Itunes mix cd’s and my music on my phone a lot but every now and then I will turn on K-Love and this week,  think every song I heard was telling me to let go and let him. It was in the form of different songs by different artists.  And I remember laughing telling myself, okay God, I get it.

Then our Pastor preached about part of it on Sunday. If you are putting something, anything, over top of God, then you are worshipping other Gods. Now don’t get me wrong. I worship God in that sense. But I have been putting worry in front of trusting God wholly. This hit home.

But don’t I have a right to worry? Some would argue that I would. I wake  up every morning dreading going to the mailbox because I know there are bills sitting in there waiting to be paid. And they wont be. Right now do the utilities. I worry that I wont have electric or water. And then I run and turn down the heat just so I conserve energy. How could I not worry?

I worry because I have to get this stent pulled in a couple of weeks and the last time I had it pulled in the office, I ended in the ICU and almost died. I just learned they had to resuscitate me after surgery. That hits home hard. And when the doctors are scared to death to do it, then I worry cause they are worried. Isn’t that reason enough?

I worry because I cant look for a job right now due to my medical condition. It will be a while before I am able to apply for jobs and actually take interviews knowing I can work. I have had 4 appointments in the last 2 weeks and I have 2 already scheduled in the next 2 weeks along with 2 more Im pretty sure I have to make. I worry because I feel like Im the reason we are behind on our bills.

I worry. Simply worry.

But in the wake of everything , I am supposed to cast my worries aside and trust God. It is not an easy task. So as I am reading the book, he uses many examples from the Bible. For example, when Jesus took the disciples on the boat, a big storm erupted. The disciples were worried and was wondering why Jesus was asleep through all of this. They were scared and worried and was running out of faith.

He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. ( Matthew 8:26)

Don’t you feel at times, he is asking us all that question. This is only one of many times he asks this question. God gave us these stories not to look back and be amazed but to look forward with faith.

I not only pray for faith but also patience. I know all will be done in God’s time. I have no doubt. I do have faith. He knew the plan for me before I was even conceived. So I just have to turn everything to him.

For those of you out there that read this, send a little prayer up for me and my family. And I will send a prayer for everyone out there struggling with the same thing, or it may be a different thing. I appreciate it!

=)

PS—My page has now over 1000 views! How awesome=) I hope my words have become an inspiration to you and I hope to continue!

Gun Control

Okay so no this post is not all about gun control but with all of the school shootings and other shootings, it had me puzzled. Now I am going to warn you ahead of time. I am all for people owning guns so if you dont agree with me, thats okay. Just saying...
I read Facebook posts day in and day out about how guns kill people. Then I read the ones about how guns dont kill. Many post stats about how other weapons, such as knives and baseball bats, kill more people each year then guns. So if they are going to take away our right to have a gun ( and no I dont have one in the house... I would but it would be small and Drew wouldnt know about it.. ) are they going to take everything in our house that we could use to kill or hurt someone?
I watch the ID Channel a lot. In fact, I have warned Ramon that if he ever hurt me that I could easily get rid of his body and know exactly how to do it without being caught! HA!=) Anyhow, every show I watch involves crimes of some sort, but mostly murders. The crazy thing is that most of the murders that they showcase happen with a weapon other than a gun. Rarely were people found shot to death. ( One cop said it was because of the sound. The gun going off would cause attention. So they find something to beat or stab them to death ) So no, guns arent the main cause of peoples deaths. And the whole gun control issue needs to stay as is or just go away.
As far as what causes the violence in the world is simple. Satan. I have read someone else's blog about this issue and he explained it very well. Satan is alive and will do anything to overcome Christians and our beliefs. He is already shown his face in the shootings and all of the massive destruction in the past years. But who can we blame? We have taken God out of school, work and now government. For example, there was a town ( cant remember ) where the mayors and clerks and employees of the city said a prayer before their day started. Guess what? Someone said something and now they arent allowed to do it anymore. Really? When I was in high school, we had a club called FCA and ASHRAM.. We were allowed to meet on school grounds but it had to be before or after school hours. I dont even know if those programs lasted. I dont get why people are blaming video games, television, music, bad parenting, etc... cant they see? If we are taking God out of our daily lives, then Satan is going to take over. And its not going to stop until the world comes to  a stop or more and more people come to know Jesus.
My son goes to a private school. So they have chapel where they sing and worship and they do say prayer before they eat snack. He knows all of the pledges : American and Christian Flag and Bible. And I am glad they have taught him. We were driving home one night and he looked up and saw the American flag at a bank. He then asks me where the Christian flag was. I told him they dont hang them up. He saiid, " Mommy, they ought to. I will look in to that." Besides my laughter, it got me thinking. Everytime I see the American flag I know how lucky I am to live in this country. So what would people do if they saw the Christian flag hanging everywhere? Would it change their perspectives? Would it change our city? Would it change anything? I for sure would see it and know everytime I am lucky and blessed to know Jesus and what he did. I would hope other people would too. But I know that would never happen. And I know its going to get worse as the years go by. Thats why as Christians, it is our job to spread the word and the gospel of Jesus Christ. Thats why we were put here wasnt it? To do Gods work. And whatever talent he has given us, we need to use for him. I sing, so I use my talent when I can. And I do feel like I get through to people when I sing.
So agree with me or not. Thats where I stand. And I just pray everyday that we are doing our best as Christians to live as he would want us too. No matter what happens or how Satan gets to us at times, we cant let him defeat us. God is much stronger and we need to rely on him through every good and bad situation. We cried when 9/11 happened. We cried with the people of the Sandy Hook tragedy. But all along, we prayed too. We will get through this as long as our heart stays in the right place. So, use your talents. Spread the word. Thats the only way Satan will be defeated.

New Years Resolution ( A Couple Weeks Later )

Ha. New years resolution? Never have had one. And I guess I dont this year either. Heck, I just want to be healthy and live another year. ( Sort of funny, sort of not, huh ) I guess mine would be to try not to complicate my life. Why are things so complicated and why do we let the little stuff get us to the point of where we are stressing about everything? I probably dont stress enough about certain things according to some people but its life. We go from day to day doing the same things and the same routine. And I just dont like that. I hate getting into a normalicy. I mean being normal is cool and all and I like that safe haven but then again I like to add a little bit of something. ( Although I think I have added enough of that the last couple of months for my family lol ) I know, I know, Im by far not normal in more than one aspect but Id like to take some other aspects and not be normal. ( Have I confused you? I think I have confused myself.. give me a minute to reread what I just wrote )
Oh okay... what Im getting at, is that as I have been home and playing housewife, Im getting bored. There are things I could be doing but some days ( due to pain as well ) I would rather just watch my lifetime movies and not move. Then some days I have cleaned. And then Im back to my lazy days. Even if you work, depending on the type of work you do, its pretty much the same. You get up, go to work, come home, do whatever, go to bed, go to sleep. ( Unless you are my sister, then you can add about 50 things in between of all that on at least 5 days of the week ha ha ) And since I cant really start looking for a job until after my surgery is done, Im stuck. However, there are a lot of projects for me to do around here and I have warned Ramon that as long as it doesnt cost money, it will be done. ( Pinterest has become a good friend to me the last couple of hours actually. I never understood what people were talking about until today... huh. Guess I was better off ) I am also trying to find ways to make money. Which is sort of hard. But thats another subject in itself. Play , I know Im rambling so let me get to the point. Even if I have to put a different project in front of me everday, my goal is to do something. And not just clean and cook and the ordinary house jobs. I mean something I can enjoy. When Drew is here, he can help=) Or we will end up playing Batman all day ( Did I mention how everyone in his class refers to him as Batman now? I just hope if something happens, he really knows hes not Batman ) Even something to take my mind off the job loss and the sicknesses. I want to wake up not in pain and not worried about being sick or getting sick. So once I have my surgery to remove this stent ( which is huge if you were wondering ) maybe those wishes will come true. I have yet to find a reason that I keep getting sick but I and my doctors Im sure are tired of it. ( Pretty bad when you ask for medical records from a doctor you have only seen since August, and they give you a box instead of an envelope. Yes people, I walked out with a box ) ( My mom has decided since Im such a mystery to some, that I should be able to see them free of charge and I agree ) Anyhow... I will find a way to break the normal around here if it should become so bad. And I hope you all do too. I think its the excitement and unknown that makes up happy. Heck, Id even go for writing down a bunch of projects and putting them in a box and pulling one out each morning. Huh. I can come up with some pretty good ideas on here typing.
So the point to this blog? I have no clue. But if you get something out of if, even if its a laugh, then Im good=)

BA

Unemployed and well you know..

Well I write this blog from the good old Microsoft Office 2010. Im not on my online blog tonight due to our phones and internet not working. I wont say why but I will let you guess. I also start the new year out as unemployed. If I could tell you why I would but I really don’t know. I guess God didn’t want me there. All I know is it has a put a stop in our lives. I now know how it feels to not want to get the mail because I know there is going to be a bill in there that we cant pay right now. I have doctor’s appointments coming up and more tests and another surgery to get this final stent out. So I really cannot start the job search until at least next month. So we are hanging by a thread. I don’t write this for sympathy or anything else. I just feel to be honest with you all. It seems like I have a lot of readers that follow me so why not tell them the truth. The last part of the year to say the least was sort of hard. I spent some more time in the hospital and got sick again. Had the surgery to put the huge bulging stent in. I did however bring in the new year with some family and friends. I actually was not sick that night and had a great time. It was a time I could put everything behind me. Christmas Eve I had the privilege of singing with a great group of people at Calvary. That night was a good night and special. Even though Ramon was the only one that got to attend ( my family was hosting Christmas Eve and couldn’t get away) both services got to me. Its those songs that stay in my head as I go through what I am now. I know I am going from year to year here with information but I guess that is what happens when you cant sleep and its midnight and you haven’t written in a while. My head is full of stuff and I guess you all get the brunt of that stuff here in the next couple of days. I will be writing and posting these so you all are going to get hit when we get the internet back. Anyhow..

Christmas was great. We had to wake Drew up and watch him drag his body through the kitchen but as soon as he saw that 4 wheeler he took off. It was amazing and no camera could have caught that joy in his eye as he saw the presents and the cookies ate and the water drank ( parents fault….. out of milk.. but we decided Santa needed some water instead ). That’s what makes it. Ramon got me a charm bracelet with a music note on it. I got him some things but watching him open his Panini maker was cracking me up. It was just like watching Drew open his presents. We spent most of the day with family and then came home with just us two. It was nice. The only thing I missed was seeing my sister. This was usually the time of year they came in. But they decided not to this year. It is hard bussing up 3 kids and driving almost 10 -12 hours depending on how many stops they had to make. And when they get here there are so  many people to see its like they don’t stop. I hardly ever get to see her even when she is here. That brings me to one of the most precious gifts I got. I got her a sister charm for her bracelet. She got me a half of a ring, and she has the other half. And inside it is engraved, my sister, my friend. I haven’t taken it off since Christmas. I miss her and the kids so much and sometimes I just need my sister here but I know she is a phone call away. Hopefully we can make it down to see them soon.

Until then, I am playing housewife ( oh yeah lost my job... ) . The bills will come and they will stay. I leave it to God’s hands to show me exactly what to do .