Passing on Life....

I dont use these blogs to promote things or to really harp on many subjects but tonight may be a little different. I am reminded today of how life really can be taken for granted and how the smallest decisions can be a life saving decision for someone else.
A couple of years ago, I was sitting with Ramon when we received news that his uncle was not doing very well at all. In fact, I think most of his family was at the hospital just waiting and knowing that he would never leave the hospital again. He was in the need of a liver transplant and the need was emergent or he was not going to make it. A few hours later, Ramon answered the phone fearing the worst.
On the other side of the hospital, a man laid in the hospital nearing his death. He had fought a disease all of his life just to see it finally take toll. He was a loving husband, father, son, and friend. It was too soon for him to go but God had decided it was time. Little did we know that night, that his familie's decision would be a decision that would bring life to someone else.
The phone call Ramon received wasnt the worst. In fact, his uncle was being rushed to the operating room to receive a new liver. They were told that it was flown in and that he was going to be receiving it. What a blessing and an answer to many prayers! But with that happiness came a little guilt and sadness for they knew somewhere a family was grieving the loss of someone special. It could have been Ramon's family suffering the loss but it wasnt. And we could only pray for his uncle during surgery and then pray for the faily that donated the liver.
While this was happening, I received news that my ex's cousin's husband had passed away. He had been sick for a long time and I remember feeling so sad because I knew of the family of he was leaving behind. I had met him before and couldnt understand why God would do this. So while a prayer for Ramon's uncle was being sent up for healing and a successful surgery, one was also being sent up for the family of my ex's cousins family as they were suffering a terrible loss.
They told Ramon's family that the liver had been flown in, yet the waiting room they had been in which was located right by the helipad, never echoed the sounds of a helicopter landing. In fact, it was such a surprise it was almost like the doctors had just found out that his uncle would be receiving the liver that no later he was being rushed to the operating room. And just across the hosptial, my ex's cousin had just finished saying goodbye to her husband as they prepared him for organ donation.
Wow... now I didnt put 2 and 2 together until a day later when I was talking to Ramon. Could that really be? I had personally never known anyone to receive an organ donation and I had never known anyone to donate their organs, again not personally at least. As I started asking questions, it fell into place. My ex's cousin's husband donated his organs and his liver went to Ramon's uncle. It was unsure for a while but afer a couple of months, I think it was finally confirmed. To witness one is a miracle but to know both people involved was overwhelming.
Ramon's uncle is doing well and out doing things he has not been able to in a long while. And this was all thanks to a family deciding to not only make an organ donation, but to save lives while doing it. It was amazing to say the least to experience both sides of the story. And I am just reminded, once again, of how precious life can be.
So my point is if are not an organ donor, thatn you should be. If you are unsure, than you do the research on your own and make that choice but I have seen first hand, the impact it can make. I won't go on and on about it because it is a very personal decision but I would like to think that when God does decide that it is my time that I would be able to make the same impact on other families just as I get to witness the impact it had on Ramon's family.

Happy Birthday to a great man who was very loved and will be remembered by many=)

Friday!

So I have looked at these other blogs to see how they continue with them writings and to gain traffic. I'm not a greedy person so at first I wasn't too worried about numbers, But after seeing my blog hit 1000 I started thinking. And here's the greedy part. As you all know I'm doing my best to find a job while getting weekly from being so sick. So I had several ideas on how to turn what I already do into some sort of cash. Even if it's 1.00 a week it's a start. So you may see some changes on my blog due to me trying to cash in on this. There will be some ads and feel free to visit them:)
Also I'm on a site where I can give reviews or my opinions on anything in writing. So I will be doing that too. However the way I'm going about this is to pick certain days for topics I have to cover and then the rest will be for just me to write:) so I help you keep reading and enjoy some different submissions. I am looking forward to it and glad I can take you along! The next blog will be about different products I have. I'm a tech geek and little as seen on tv geeks so if I have the product, I will be completely honest and tell you what I think.  It's going to be called, Tell you What I Think Fridays. Thanks for the support and anything you want me jot about please leave a comment!

What do you envy?

So yes I know it has been a while.. everytime I sat down to blog, my mind went blank. I tried to take inspiration from others blogs and news and events going on.. but I just couldn't get started with even just one word. But as I sit here tonight, I have a bazillion thoughts in my head. Just like you let stuff pile up, well my mind is piled up.
The thing I started to think about today, was how much I say Im jealous of something. For example, I posted something today on Facebook about being jealous of though who were getting the snow in the midwest. ( I love the snow, and vow to live somewhere where I get to enjoy it all winter.. Ramon doenst know this plan yet LOL ) But with the snow, comes the cold. And the more snow, the bigger the problems. Me? I just see the pretty white snow and dont pay attention to all of the lower problems it brings. Because I dont want to see that, I just want to see the outer of it.
I think that is true in most cases of jealousy. What we see may be grand, but we dont see the problems that go along with it. After all, we wouldnt be jealous of it then , now would we?
Lets say, for example, you pass houses, saying to yourself, I would really love to live in a place like that. What you may now know, is that the people living there may be in great debt. They may not be a family in sorts. They could live a shallow life full of nothing but possessions like the house, their brand new car and new in style clothing. But we dont see that. All we see is the pretty house, the brand new car and the clothes we wish we could afford and look that good in. Are they really that happy? Would it be worth giving up what you have just to have those material things? I may not have the grandest home, but inside is a loving family who makes this house a home. I have a house and a car and clothes. And while they may not seem like big fancy things to some, they are my fancy things. I am grateful to have them. I look at it this way, there are people without homes, without cars and without clothes. So the ordinary things to me, are huge to other people. And then it goes from that. When you are the bottom and all you can do is look up, then anything seems grand to you.
Then you have those millionaries that want to be billionaires. Money is not an option and they can get whatever they want whenever they want. It doenst matter if it sacrfices someone elses happiness or not. But those people are never satisfied. They only live to want more. That mansion is all nice until someone you know gets one bigger then its like an all out fight to keep up and do betther the rest of their life. Who exactly are they trying to prove? Is someone sitting alone in a 15 bedroom house, really all that happy? We may think money would make us happy but in the long run. no.
It has only taken me 30 years to really see this. Of course, we all could use and want more money, each for our own reasons. But when is enough enough? When can we say, I am satisfied and happy. It takes people too many years to get to that point. But in this world, no one can blame them. Jealousy is an evil that takes over lives way too often. I know it floods my thoughts much to often during the day. You may think jealousy doenst lead to any hard, but think of it like this.
Jealousy is that of a husband that looks in the mirror and sees gray hair, debt and 3 screaming kids with one on the way. He sees a mini van and a wife who doenst look quite like she did when they got married. He sees his Friday nights being spent at school functions, and Saturday nights the same. The one day he can enjoy watching tv and football may come on a Sunday afternoon but that is only after his wife drags him to church. And now that football game he wanted to watch has now been replaced by the sounds of cartoons. He goes to get ont he computer only to find the kids fussing over who gets to play next. He yells at his wife but she is too busy yelling at him to help around the house some, and doesnt that grass need mowing? Maybe he can find some peace outside... but the mower runs over toys that were left out in the yard. When does the cycle end? He comes in just to have to give the children a bath and maybe then he can have some alone time, not with this wife, just with him. But hes interrupted as his wife is yelling at him to come to bed or else. He rolls into bed just long enough for the next day to start over. Then off to work at a job he hates but has to have. But something is different. There is a new young woman that has started her first day where he works. She is young, pretty and his eyes full of life. Something he feels he has been drained of. They talk. They have lunch and he starts to become jealous of her life. She can go home and watch whatvever tv she wants, she can lounge around in silence. So he starts to fantisize and every night he goes home, his thoughts of this other woman and life, start to take over his life. She invites him over one night. He makes up some story and goes, even though his gut is telling him not to. But its quiet, there are no kids, there is no nagging wife. There are no chores. He gives in and after a while, all seems quite right with the world. Then she finds about the marriage, then his wife finds out who in return kicks him to the curb. He has it made right? He can go home to silence. He can go home and finally watch those sporting events he has longed to watch. He can get onto his labtop. He can go to bed whenever he wants and he even doesnt have to mow his own lawn. But then he starts to look in the mirror in the mornings, and in his reflection he not only sees gray hair but thats all he sees. At least at his old house, he would see gray hair and maybe kids and his wife in the reflection. The silence seems to eat at him now. He longs for the cartoons and the kids fussing. He goes to bed early now only to sleep beside an empty pillow and cold sheets. What happened? He goes to see his kids and his wife still doesnt look the like the woman he married, only prettier. He doesnt hear the kids fussing and screaming anymore, only their laughs and giggles ring through the air. And those cartoons, well they are sort of funny. He threw all of this away?? Yea because he was jealous.
So see?? While this may be a huge dramatic example, you see where I am going!! So be happy with what you have and what God had blessed you with.I am here. I am alive and God has given me a chance at life and thats the way I look at it. And while, yes a little bit of me is still jealous of the kids playing in the snow, I can hope!

=)

Fearless

Have you ever been hit in the head so many times with the same message that you just have to listen to it? I mean really, it started off with a book I am reading, then every time I turned on the radio it was on, and then it continued with our Pastor’s sermon. The message? Don’t worry.

The book I am reading is called “Fearless” by Max Lucado. I was drawn to this book a couple of weeks ago. I was worrying about losing my job and other things and this book was sort of laid out of front of me. I like the examples he uses and the words just seem to hit home.

I listen to my Itunes mix cd’s and my music on my phone a lot but every now and then I will turn on K-Love and this week,  think every song I heard was telling me to let go and let him. It was in the form of different songs by different artists.  And I remember laughing telling myself, okay God, I get it.

Then our Pastor preached about part of it on Sunday. If you are putting something, anything, over top of God, then you are worshipping other Gods. Now don’t get me wrong. I worship God in that sense. But I have been putting worry in front of trusting God wholly. This hit home.

But don’t I have a right to worry? Some would argue that I would. I wake  up every morning dreading going to the mailbox because I know there are bills sitting in there waiting to be paid. And they wont be. Right now do the utilities. I worry that I wont have electric or water. And then I run and turn down the heat just so I conserve energy. How could I not worry?

I worry because I have to get this stent pulled in a couple of weeks and the last time I had it pulled in the office, I ended in the ICU and almost died. I just learned they had to resuscitate me after surgery. That hits home hard. And when the doctors are scared to death to do it, then I worry cause they are worried. Isn’t that reason enough?

I worry because I cant look for a job right now due to my medical condition. It will be a while before I am able to apply for jobs and actually take interviews knowing I can work. I have had 4 appointments in the last 2 weeks and I have 2 already scheduled in the next 2 weeks along with 2 more Im pretty sure I have to make. I worry because I feel like Im the reason we are behind on our bills.

I worry. Simply worry.

But in the wake of everything , I am supposed to cast my worries aside and trust God. It is not an easy task. So as I am reading the book, he uses many examples from the Bible. For example, when Jesus took the disciples on the boat, a big storm erupted. The disciples were worried and was wondering why Jesus was asleep through all of this. They were scared and worried and was running out of faith.

He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. ( Matthew 8:26)

Don’t you feel at times, he is asking us all that question. This is only one of many times he asks this question. God gave us these stories not to look back and be amazed but to look forward with faith.

I not only pray for faith but also patience. I know all will be done in God’s time. I have no doubt. I do have faith. He knew the plan for me before I was even conceived. So I just have to turn everything to him.

For those of you out there that read this, send a little prayer up for me and my family. And I will send a prayer for everyone out there struggling with the same thing, or it may be a different thing. I appreciate it!

=)

PS—My page has now over 1000 views! How awesome=) I hope my words have become an inspiration to you and I hope to continue!

Gun Control

Okay so no this post is not all about gun control but with all of the school shootings and other shootings, it had me puzzled. Now I am going to warn you ahead of time. I am all for people owning guns so if you dont agree with me, thats okay. Just saying...
I read Facebook posts day in and day out about how guns kill people. Then I read the ones about how guns dont kill. Many post stats about how other weapons, such as knives and baseball bats, kill more people each year then guns. So if they are going to take away our right to have a gun ( and no I dont have one in the house... I would but it would be small and Drew wouldnt know about it.. ) are they going to take everything in our house that we could use to kill or hurt someone?
I watch the ID Channel a lot. In fact, I have warned Ramon that if he ever hurt me that I could easily get rid of his body and know exactly how to do it without being caught! HA!=) Anyhow, every show I watch involves crimes of some sort, but mostly murders. The crazy thing is that most of the murders that they showcase happen with a weapon other than a gun. Rarely were people found shot to death. ( One cop said it was because of the sound. The gun going off would cause attention. So they find something to beat or stab them to death ) So no, guns arent the main cause of peoples deaths. And the whole gun control issue needs to stay as is or just go away.
As far as what causes the violence in the world is simple. Satan. I have read someone else's blog about this issue and he explained it very well. Satan is alive and will do anything to overcome Christians and our beliefs. He is already shown his face in the shootings and all of the massive destruction in the past years. But who can we blame? We have taken God out of school, work and now government. For example, there was a town ( cant remember ) where the mayors and clerks and employees of the city said a prayer before their day started. Guess what? Someone said something and now they arent allowed to do it anymore. Really? When I was in high school, we had a club called FCA and ASHRAM.. We were allowed to meet on school grounds but it had to be before or after school hours. I dont even know if those programs lasted. I dont get why people are blaming video games, television, music, bad parenting, etc... cant they see? If we are taking God out of our daily lives, then Satan is going to take over. And its not going to stop until the world comes to  a stop or more and more people come to know Jesus.
My son goes to a private school. So they have chapel where they sing and worship and they do say prayer before they eat snack. He knows all of the pledges : American and Christian Flag and Bible. And I am glad they have taught him. We were driving home one night and he looked up and saw the American flag at a bank. He then asks me where the Christian flag was. I told him they dont hang them up. He saiid, " Mommy, they ought to. I will look in to that." Besides my laughter, it got me thinking. Everytime I see the American flag I know how lucky I am to live in this country. So what would people do if they saw the Christian flag hanging everywhere? Would it change their perspectives? Would it change our city? Would it change anything? I for sure would see it and know everytime I am lucky and blessed to know Jesus and what he did. I would hope other people would too. But I know that would never happen. And I know its going to get worse as the years go by. Thats why as Christians, it is our job to spread the word and the gospel of Jesus Christ. Thats why we were put here wasnt it? To do Gods work. And whatever talent he has given us, we need to use for him. I sing, so I use my talent when I can. And I do feel like I get through to people when I sing.
So agree with me or not. Thats where I stand. And I just pray everyday that we are doing our best as Christians to live as he would want us too. No matter what happens or how Satan gets to us at times, we cant let him defeat us. God is much stronger and we need to rely on him through every good and bad situation. We cried when 9/11 happened. We cried with the people of the Sandy Hook tragedy. But all along, we prayed too. We will get through this as long as our heart stays in the right place. So, use your talents. Spread the word. Thats the only way Satan will be defeated.

New Years Resolution ( A Couple Weeks Later )

Ha. New years resolution? Never have had one. And I guess I dont this year either. Heck, I just want to be healthy and live another year. ( Sort of funny, sort of not, huh ) I guess mine would be to try not to complicate my life. Why are things so complicated and why do we let the little stuff get us to the point of where we are stressing about everything? I probably dont stress enough about certain things according to some people but its life. We go from day to day doing the same things and the same routine. And I just dont like that. I hate getting into a normalicy. I mean being normal is cool and all and I like that safe haven but then again I like to add a little bit of something. ( Although I think I have added enough of that the last couple of months for my family lol ) I know, I know, Im by far not normal in more than one aspect but Id like to take some other aspects and not be normal. ( Have I confused you? I think I have confused myself.. give me a minute to reread what I just wrote )
Oh okay... what Im getting at, is that as I have been home and playing housewife, Im getting bored. There are things I could be doing but some days ( due to pain as well ) I would rather just watch my lifetime movies and not move. Then some days I have cleaned. And then Im back to my lazy days. Even if you work, depending on the type of work you do, its pretty much the same. You get up, go to work, come home, do whatever, go to bed, go to sleep. ( Unless you are my sister, then you can add about 50 things in between of all that on at least 5 days of the week ha ha ) And since I cant really start looking for a job until after my surgery is done, Im stuck. However, there are a lot of projects for me to do around here and I have warned Ramon that as long as it doesnt cost money, it will be done. ( Pinterest has become a good friend to me the last couple of hours actually. I never understood what people were talking about until today... huh. Guess I was better off ) I am also trying to find ways to make money. Which is sort of hard. But thats another subject in itself. Play , I know Im rambling so let me get to the point. Even if I have to put a different project in front of me everday, my goal is to do something. And not just clean and cook and the ordinary house jobs. I mean something I can enjoy. When Drew is here, he can help=) Or we will end up playing Batman all day ( Did I mention how everyone in his class refers to him as Batman now? I just hope if something happens, he really knows hes not Batman ) Even something to take my mind off the job loss and the sicknesses. I want to wake up not in pain and not worried about being sick or getting sick. So once I have my surgery to remove this stent ( which is huge if you were wondering ) maybe those wishes will come true. I have yet to find a reason that I keep getting sick but I and my doctors Im sure are tired of it. ( Pretty bad when you ask for medical records from a doctor you have only seen since August, and they give you a box instead of an envelope. Yes people, I walked out with a box ) ( My mom has decided since Im such a mystery to some, that I should be able to see them free of charge and I agree ) Anyhow... I will find a way to break the normal around here if it should become so bad. And I hope you all do too. I think its the excitement and unknown that makes up happy. Heck, Id even go for writing down a bunch of projects and putting them in a box and pulling one out each morning. Huh. I can come up with some pretty good ideas on here typing.
So the point to this blog? I have no clue. But if you get something out of if, even if its a laugh, then Im good=)

BA

Unemployed and well you know..

Well I write this blog from the good old Microsoft Office 2010. Im not on my online blog tonight due to our phones and internet not working. I wont say why but I will let you guess. I also start the new year out as unemployed. If I could tell you why I would but I really don’t know. I guess God didn’t want me there. All I know is it has a put a stop in our lives. I now know how it feels to not want to get the mail because I know there is going to be a bill in there that we cant pay right now. I have doctor’s appointments coming up and more tests and another surgery to get this final stent out. So I really cannot start the job search until at least next month. So we are hanging by a thread. I don’t write this for sympathy or anything else. I just feel to be honest with you all. It seems like I have a lot of readers that follow me so why not tell them the truth. The last part of the year to say the least was sort of hard. I spent some more time in the hospital and got sick again. Had the surgery to put the huge bulging stent in. I did however bring in the new year with some family and friends. I actually was not sick that night and had a great time. It was a time I could put everything behind me. Christmas Eve I had the privilege of singing with a great group of people at Calvary. That night was a good night and special. Even though Ramon was the only one that got to attend ( my family was hosting Christmas Eve and couldn’t get away) both services got to me. Its those songs that stay in my head as I go through what I am now. I know I am going from year to year here with information but I guess that is what happens when you cant sleep and its midnight and you haven’t written in a while. My head is full of stuff and I guess you all get the brunt of that stuff here in the next couple of days. I will be writing and posting these so you all are going to get hit when we get the internet back. Anyhow..

Christmas was great. We had to wake Drew up and watch him drag his body through the kitchen but as soon as he saw that 4 wheeler he took off. It was amazing and no camera could have caught that joy in his eye as he saw the presents and the cookies ate and the water drank ( parents fault….. out of milk.. but we decided Santa needed some water instead ). That’s what makes it. Ramon got me a charm bracelet with a music note on it. I got him some things but watching him open his Panini maker was cracking me up. It was just like watching Drew open his presents. We spent most of the day with family and then came home with just us two. It was nice. The only thing I missed was seeing my sister. This was usually the time of year they came in. But they decided not to this year. It is hard bussing up 3 kids and driving almost 10 -12 hours depending on how many stops they had to make. And when they get here there are so  many people to see its like they don’t stop. I hardly ever get to see her even when she is here. That brings me to one of the most precious gifts I got. I got her a sister charm for her bracelet. She got me a half of a ring, and she has the other half. And inside it is engraved, my sister, my friend. I haven’t taken it off since Christmas. I miss her and the kids so much and sometimes I just need my sister here but I know she is a phone call away. Hopefully we can make it down to see them soon.

Until then, I am playing housewife ( oh yeah lost my job... ) . The bills will come and they will stay. I leave it to God’s hands to show me exactly what to do .