The Future

Sometimes I wish I could fast forward time a whole lot just to make sure we are going to be okay. I keep telling myself that. Ramon tells me. God tells me. My friends tell me. My family tells me. So I guess that makes it okay right? So why do I doubt? Is it because every night when I go to sleep I have tears in my eyes because I am not sure how I am going to make it to work. Or how our payments are going to be made on time? Or praying that or electric and water are still on when we get home. Or even down to what the crap can I make with a pound of hamburger that I don't have to buy anything else for? I guess it would make for a good Iron Chef sorta battle... lol.. your secret ingredient? HAMBURGER! Now use whatever you can find and make it into something edible. HA, Beth Anne.. pretty good idea=) And with all of this, I am still blaming everything on me and my sickness. I had to miss work again today. I have to miss it again next Monday because he is doing surgery. And then hopefully the light at the end of tunnel will start to break through. Maybe a little and I can see the end. Once again, I know God has this and hes working through us for some reason. I havent quite figured that out yet. Thats why I wish I could fast forward just a little to make sure I am still standing. I know I know... we will be okay. But my definition of okay and yours may differ a little. I think when you are thinking about what that word means is something different then when you are telling someone it is going to be okay. It is one of those phrases that everyone goes to. Such as it will be okay or you are going to fine. No offense, I know they mean well and I know I have used them a lot. But wouldnt it be weird if someone came up to you and said hey whats going on? And you tell them your story as much as you can. And they look at you and say , well Im not sure you are going to be just fine or be okay? Maybe that is the reason we would use the to go phrases so much. I would not know what to say to that. But part of me would be thankful I guess for being honest. So maybe I will just not think about it so much. Thats me.. I overthink everything. Ramon just gets tickled and tells me to be quiet. Hey, someone has to think about some things stupid or not stupid.
So what is up with me today? Well I had another dr appt. He is not pulling the sent however he is doing surgery next Monday to look up through a scope to check out the stricture and see where it is and then he is going to pull it. So another day of work being missed. I am so blessed that they have been so understanding. I love that job and all of the people I work with and for. But the 20 hours a week at min. wage SUX. I mean I cant live on this or we cant live on this. So thats what I need prayers for. A new job opportunity. A new something. Ramon to get promoted.. anything. I cant list off of everything. My prayers at night would be all night long. Luckily my God knows without me saying and that I do trust. Thanks everyone who reads this and gets me. I am going to get this keep going from day to day. Probably all about different things. But I write better than I talk. Words just seem to flow smoother from me when Im behind a computer or pen and paper. So until next time...