But I did.
I cut my hair. Did you ever hear that saying? Like don't do something major right when you are mad or sad or something... however I wold have done it anyhow.
So one more day passes by and works still great. Got a lot of compliments today on how good I am doing and Im actually getting use of my college degree for once. And even though I don't have a degree in HR, Im gonna be involved in that as well in the coming weeks. So things are looking up ( besides the fact that I have still yet found the perfect place to park ) I parked in the employee lot for the first time and rode the shuttle over which dropped me off at the employee entrance. Which thankfully I stumbled and found my way to my department. As long as I can get to the basement I think Im good. ( Although I did get turned around trying to find the restroom today, which I ask myself. this is my 4th day and I am just now asking where the restrooms are? Hmm ) The people are great and I know, I know this is only my 4th day. The only complaint so far is getting used to using 2 monitors!
As far as the other deal.. yep, pretty much still trying to get over that.. Part of me wants it over and now parts of me wants it put back together. I guess I am in that transitioning stage. Where Im not sure really what I want. I mean if he walked back through that door right now and asked if we could start over like almost dating again... I would without hesitation. So I don't know where I am exactly. However, I think Im finally making steps forward, baby like, really little baby steps but at least they are in the right direction right? I still want to find out what I did. I still want to talk to him but I have to just let it go. ( Temporary break for a " Frozen " moment ) The one thing that is still eating at me is he didn't even try. There were no chances because he didn't give it one chance. And if he did, he sure didn't let me know. Theres a song that Steven Curtis Chapman sings from ages ago called " Love and Learn " Now Im not gonna quote it but I will say I can't listen to it right now without crying my eyes out. Theres also a song out right now called " Restore ". Both focus on marriages and being Christ centered. I wanted a chance to get that back. But it was like someone flipped a switch in him and now hes, well I don't what he is because he's cut off all contact with me. But each and every day its getting better. I can laugh now and I can smile and not fake it.
I don't know if he reads these. I doubt it. But he has to know this. That I love him. I wish he could figure out whatever he needs to figure out and make it right with me. Im not going anywhere at the moment.
thanks guys=)
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