Where To Go From Here

I can't say that each day gets easier. I can't say that I don't break down and cry at the very thought of him. I can't tell you that taking down all of our pictures in the house was easy and down with a a dry eye. I can't tell you I don't start crying even on Facebook when I run upon a picture of us, even the pictures we took the Sunday before he left. I look around and see him everywhere. I wake up in the middle of the night and the other half of the bed is empty and it seems like my arms stretch for miles just trying to find him. I still wait for that door to open and it be him.I hear a song that takes me back to a time with him. I just can't say anything.

I wish I could give details on what happened. I wish I had those details. But when you are married to someone over 3 years and known them almost all of your life, and then all of a sudden they are gone, it hurts. I haven't heard from him. I haven't seen him. He refuses to talk to me. How can someone just run out of your life like that? My son had surgery and the least he could have done was to ask how he was. I know he loved Drew and I know Drew loved him. Every night we say our prayers and Drew asks God to bring him back to us. That kid is something else. He's been stronger through this than I have honestly. 

I would bring up the fact that his whole family has dismissed me. Almost like I don't exists. I don't know what I did But not only did I lose him but I lost another family who just refuses to talk to me as well. 

As far as Ramon goes, I don't even know. I don't know if he's afraid to come back and talk. I really don't know. I can't ask anyone because nobody responds. Its like I didn't even exist. I just wish someone would tell me he's okay. I do still care about him. In my mind thought, he doesn't care about me or Drew anymore. And I have to let that go. And just know God is looking over us. Ive been hurt so much. The scars on my heart can tell the stories. I just want to know that part of him is hurting. Just a bit. That he does recognize I was and still his wife at the moment. I just want to hear him. Even if its a simple conversation. And as far as these counselors go ( that are not Christian based) and told him to not even consider going to marriage counseling, well if I have words for them. But I will ekkp this G Rated. 

I know it will get better. Going through this divorce is going to be tough. But I have great family, a new awesome job and faith and my God who has his hands on me and Drew each and every day. I just pray that Ramon feels God too. I fear that he's gonna lose that relationship with him. 

Thanks for the prayers and words of encouragement. You all really don't know what that means to me.