Yup, its almost go time. Monday morning starts my journey without a kidney. And the closer it gets, the more scared I become. I was relieved at first just because of all my dealings with the constant stones and infections and emergency rooms visits and missing work and missing life in general. But then the closer it gets, all of the bad things that could go wrong come floating in my head. I know this this is the same way with every surgery and I know its a very general surgery now but when its being done to you, it almost feels like you are the only one on the planet that has gone through these struggles and the only one that is having this done. Its like you have been singled out out of everyone else to have this happen to.
Then on top of this, I have to be out of the house by Sunday. So instead of having a nice relaxing weekend of resting or just being out and about and enjoying the time I wont be in pain, is being spent packing up boxes and trying to get stuff moved to my parents and a storage building. Luckily I have help ( and hes cute by the way lol ) but its just way too much. So yes I have known this date for a while but I guess I have been putting it off thinking something would happen and give me some extra time to at least get well after my surgery then have to worry about it. But not in my world will that ever exist. In my world it pours and floods all at once. Always has and something tells me it always will.
However in the midst of all this craziness is this guy. If you read my previous post, ( if you havent, you need too ) you will see what Im talking about. Well everything is still going really well. And that even scares me. I mean, have I actually done something right? Is this actually going to turn out to be good and actually last? I hate to say it but so far so good. For someone to know my past and not judge me for anything and know where Im coming from and what I have been through and still want to be with me just amazes me still. And I actually love him for that. We have both been burned in the past so we understand that in each other. And it seems like everyday, we learn something else we have in common or at least things we learn from each other. He has taught me things about myself and I think, in return, have helped him. And coming from a person who always wondered and cared about what other people thought about her, thats a lot. Because I know everyone has their own opinion about this relationship and to be honest, for the first time in my life, and I truly mean the first time, I dont care. Whether people think Im moving too fast ( which Im not ) or whatever, I know what I feel and I know where I stand, I am not about to myself in a situation in which I think Im gonna be hurt right away or vise versa. I would never do that to him either. He knows where I stand. I know where he stands and thats what matters.So as far as Im concerned, Im happy. And my family and faith and God and him are keeping me that way. And I know this weekend will be rough but thats when I am really blessed to have certain people in my life to keep me sane. And for those of you have said a prayer or a thought keep them going... Im gonna need them!
No comments:
Post a Comment