Forgive and Forget

I know. I went and said I would be better about writing but however I have been horrible. So forgive me!

Speaking of forgiving... I have been toying around with this writing about this for a while. I didnt know how to approach it or what stance to take but I knew I wanted to say something. So here goes

Forgiveness. Its something that we deal with everyday. Whether its forgiving a friend for saying something about you , a co-worker for getting you in trouble, a child who promised they would do something or maybe not on a daily basis.. but maybe its a parent who wasn't there when you needed them, or a spouse who didnt take the wedding vows as serious as you. There are all sorts and categories of forgiveness but its easy to say I forgive you, but to say it and truly mean it is something else. And to say you can forgive and forget, well I dont know that is truly possible.

Now Im gonna step on some toes when I go into this but isnt it best to be truthful and not write what people want to to hear? Matthew West recently wrote a song called " Forgiveness "The story behind it is a lady who forgave a man who killed her daughter while driving drunk. To hear her story is amazing.  And to hear his response is once again pretty awesome.

Heres the link if you havent heard or read the story. Believe me, its a must read.
Check the story out here!

And one phrase from that story from Matthew West made me think and re think again about the whole concept.

"In Philip Yancey’s book What’s So Amazing About Grace?, he describes forgiveness as an unnatural act.  I could not agree more.  He writes, “I never find forgiveness easy, and rarely do I find it completely satisfying.  Nagging injustices remain, and the wounds still cause pain.  I have to approach God again and again, yielding to him the residue of what I thought I had committed to him long ago.  I do so because the Gospels make clear the connection:  God forgives my debts as I forgive my debtors.”

But do we actually need to forget what happened? 

So as everyone knows my story, I can truly say, I juggled with forgiveness for a long time. Its easy to tell someone I can forgive you without thinking about it. But as time goes on, its more apparent that maybe you cant forgive that person. That its going to take a lot longer than you think to fully and truly say those words and mean it. And when more than one person is involved, its even trickier. For some of you, still dealing with this, I say its okay to take your time. I dont think its something you can just jump into. I believe some things are not worth saying if you dont truly feel it. 

For me, I did jump into it quick. I thought this was the way to save my marriage. But then it hit me. Maybe I could forgive, but could I ever forget? Would I ever forget? The simple answer is no. So with time, prayer and faith, I began to try and look at the situation in different lights. Was it right for my husband to have an affair? No. Was it right for some woman to go ahead with the affair knowing that he was married and about to have a child? No. How could I possibly forgive them for messing up my life. For messing up my happily ever after. Clearly, they werent feeling the pain. They werent worried about anything but being together and booting me out. The wounds were open and painful. And they were there for the whole world to see. Getting the sympathy looks at church and at work were horrible. Even the Bible says this was wrong. How could God expect me to forgive someone for doing this to me and our son?

But after time, it began to dwindle. The emotions of hate and sadness soon turned to joy and laughter. I knew I could stand on my own two feet and I knew that God had been with me the whole time. I knew I needed to forgive them, but I just couldnt do it. Not yet.

I remember sitting at home one night. Drew was with his father and I was home alone. I dont exactly remember what I was doing but I remember it hitting me. I started praying and I knew God was telling me, forgiveness. And I did. At that moment, in the silence of my house, I forgave them. And it was what I needed to move on. To push on and remember the past as what was good and not the bad.

Im not sure I will ever forget but I can use that as good. I can say, I got past it. I was strong and I overcame. I can say that even after everything. I forgive them. 

And now I am in a marriage where God is the center. Where Drew looks up to my husband as another Godly father figure. Where I know what it truly means to be married and to love truly and deeply. 

God is forgiveness. He forgives us every day for our sins. Hes the reason we have a home after this life. And when you think about it that way, forgiving people in our lives should be something we all do. And this is coming from experience...

Ive seen it heal a broken heart.

Ive seen it mend a family.

Ive seen it turn hatred into happiness. 

Family and Stuff

I try not to blog about to personal of things. Sometimes, its just best not to let the whole world in on what you are feeling or experiencing. Then again, writing has always been the one way I let things out and might as well use it again.. but we will start with the good thing!
Most of you all know I have a job now. God must have known what he was doing when he let those other jobs pass because I love this job and so far so good!! Its exactly what I was looking for and within 2 days of putting in my resume, I had an interview and then a couple of hours later, I was offered the job. I was at the end of my rope but like always, God was there to pull me up when I needed him the most. I know I know, people told me to be patient but I didnt know how much longer my family could have waited. God took care of us through this past year and he will continue to do so. I am proud to say my faith may have been shaken but it never left. And that was thanks to lots of prayers and lots of faith and support. So for anyone of you who said a prayer, thanks=)
And so now for the not so good stuff. Have you ever felt things change in other peoples lives because of you? Well this week it has hit me hard. When Ramon came into my life, it was the best thing ever. And in return it felt like it was the best in his life. I never wanted to feel like I was taking someone from someone or change it to where simple traditions were compromised. I know having a child already was an extra stress on Ramon but he never acted like that. He embraced us both from day 1 and to this day he has become another Godly male presence in Drews life, one I am so grateful for.
Now without saying anything point blank, my family is close. We have traditions, we do things together. It doesnt matter who is invited, if they are family, it doesnt matter who or what or where. Im used to that. But for some reason, me and my child has caused some changes to occur. Some that Im not used to and some that I blame myself for. For some reason, I cant let it go and I should. Ramon lets things go and I dont. Thats a huge mistake of mine. I let things get to me and I have to say something. Sometimes, its for the good and sometimes I need to keep my mouth shut. In this instance, I have kept my mouth shut and I will but when it comes to family. I shutter at the thought that I could disrupt anything or keep anyone from spending time with their family.
 But I have to remember that I came with a package and the only person that should care does care. He cares for both of us and loves Drew as his own. God placed him in our lives for reasons I know and reasons that day to day I continue to find out. I am thankful for his love, support and acceptance. And as far as other things, well, it gets to me. But I have a family who loves us and who will always support us and invite us to be a part in whatever they do. I pray that I get over things, little or big, and come out the better person. Some may look at this and think this is not the bigger person, but I feel better. =)

More About Love

What is love exactly? To everyone , it is something different. Ask anyone and I bet you will not get the same answer. I love hearing peoples thoughts because it always opens my eyes to something different. By far, though, my favorite quote about love is from Boy Meets World. There were actually 2 different scenes in which Cory and Topanga express what they think love is. The first one was when Topanga was forced to move and ran away to come back to Cory. And the second was there wedding vows.

Mom, Listen, I haven't been together with Topanga for twenty-two years, but we *have* been together for sixteen. 'Kay, that's a lot longer than most couples have been together. I mean, when we were born, you told me that we used to take walks in our strollers together in the park. When we were two, we were best friends, I mean, I, I knew everything about this girl. I knew her favorite color. I knew her favorite food. Then we became six, you know, and Eric made fun of me because it wasn't cool to have a best friend that was a girl or even know a girl, so for the next seven years I threw dirt at her. I like to call those "the lost years". Then when I was thirteen, Mom, she put me up against my locker and she kissed me. I mean, she gave me my first kiss. She taught me how to dance. She was always talking about these crazy things and I never understood a word she said. All I understood was that she was the girl I sat up every night thinking about, and when I'm with her I feel happy to be alive. Like I can do anything. Even talk to you like this. So that's, that's what I feel is love, Mom... When I'm better because she's here... and now she won't be. So we're finished.

I wasn't sure this day would ever come, but you were. I wasn't sure love could survive everything we put it through, but you were. You were always strong and always sure. And now I know I want you to stand beside me for the rest of my life. That's what I'm sure of.

 Ever since I was young I never understood anything about the world, and I never understood anything that happened in my life. The only thing that ever made sense to me was you, and how I felt about you. That's all I've ever known and that's enough, that's enough for me, for the rest of my life. Topanga, we gonna get married?

I dont know why these stick out to me but its because they are true. I have one more quote to share and then Im done with the quotes.. I promise..

AND IF YOU EVER DECIDED TO LEAVE ME I WOULD GO AND FIND YOU AND BRING YOU HOME BECAUSE YOU WOULD BE WRONG." -  Mad about you

Now there are a million other popular love quotes but these rank as my favorites. It doesnt take a poet to write about what love means. It doesnt take fancy words that I cannot pronounce to try and find out what love it. It hits everyone at different points in their lives. When do you know you really experience love? When did the words " I love you" really hold their meaning? I have always known I loved my family, that was a given. And when I missed them, I knew that was love. Then you go through school and think that every boyfriend you had in grade school, you loved. Hey, that was love back then, It is not until you are older that you look back and realize that was not love. 

For me, it became apparent the first time when I accepted Jesus into my heart. I had heard the story over and over again about how God had sent his son to die on the cross for our sins but it never clicked until that one moment. And I understood was love was. And it became even more apparent when I had my own son. I couldnt imagine him hanging on a cross for all the sins of everyone else. That WAS love. And the first time I laid eyes on my son, I loved him. He was my world and I have never felt a love like that. 

My ex husband was another one of my first loves and I still have a love for him because of that and a love for him because he is the father of my son. 

When I reconnected with Ramon, I was at an okay point in my life. My divorce was final and I had a good job and a wonderful son. What I didnt realize or count on was falling in love again so quickly. And I also didnt realize the heavy emotions that would come with it. 

Since my previous marriage had ended roughly, my opinion of guys turned pretty ugly. But I knew Ramon was different. And I knew it was love when he stepped back and let me go through what I needed to. He was there. The whole time. He knew y doubts and fears and yet he didnt waiver. He assured me he understood and refused to leave. There were plenty of times when it would have just been easier for him to leave. But he didnt. And this in return, made me stronger. He has made me the woman I am and he is the reason I believe in unconditional love. 

So while I cant put a definition on love. I live it every day. Through God, Ramon, Drew, family and friends.

Love Marriage Relationships Oh My

As I was listening to Chris Augusts "Restore " the other day, it really got me thinking about how much of that song is true. But many people dont get to the last part where he talks about needing God. Most people just give up. Game over. Move on and never think twice. That bothered me for a long time until I myself found myself a divorced single mom. This man I had known and loved for almost 7 years was choosing to end our marriage. When I stood in church in front of our friends and families, we said vows. Those meant something to me but I guess marriage cant work one way. Instead of him talking to me about it, he figured if he were to have an affair then I would surely call it quits. However I fought but it was useless. 

The marriage being over was for the best and I know according to God's words that it was okay for me to get a divorce in this situation. But it still felt like I was letting a lot of people down. I knew it was over but that took me a long time to accept given that he was still off with the girl and I was home alone depressed. But God gave me the strength I needed through a little boy named Drew. And life went on.

It went on when I reconnected with my old school boyfriend from elementary school through Facebook. We texted for a while and then he asked me out. Our first date was Jan 2010, Engaged in May 2010 and Married in Sept 2010. Now I finally understand the institution of marriage is really about and how much God is the center of it. 3 years and counting and I can see it lasting forever.

People in my family know the importance of marriage and I grew up knowing loving parents, loving grandparents. My grandparents have been married for 60 years. Next year, my parents will celebrate 40 years and this week my sister and her husband will celebrate 14 years of marriage. This is what I grew up knowing. Marriages that lasts through thick and thin. Me and Ramon look up to each of these people and know thats where we are going to end up one day. 

I dont know a couple of things. I dont know why people dont treat marriage as they should. I dont know why God put me through the heartache. But he gave me a beautiful son and now a marriage built off of trust, love, honesty, and God. He loves me when Im down and he loves me when Im happy. We can sit on different sides of the room and read or do our own thing but the entire time. Im loving him. 

He has been there for me more than anyone and I only have to thank God for that. He loves Drew and would do anything for either one of us. He may not have come from a steady family but I think he learned what not to do instead. I love him more than the day I met him. And I like forward to the rest of our lives together. 

Dear Drew

Drew,
 
    I could not believe the day I found out I was pregnant. I could not believe the day when they told me you were a peanut and I was 6 weeks along and to come to find out, I was already 12 weeks along! I could not believe when I was admitted to the hospital and finding out something was not going as planned. I could not believe when they told me I was being rushed to the operating room. I could not believe the day would come where I kissed you on your forehead and watched you leave the room. I could not believe the first time I got to hold you and the amount of love I already had for you. I could not believe the day when our future was changed. I could not believe that you, even at 1 month old, would teach me things in the months that came. I cannot believe the obstacles that have come your way and the way you dealt with them with such ease and confidence. I could not believe how big you looked your first day of Preschool and then your second year. And now as you start Kindergarten, I cannot believe how much of a grown boy you are turning into. I cannot believe how fast this has all this gone by...

But what I can believe is this. I believe that my pregnancy was a gift and a blessing from God. He knew what was planned and that I needed someone to help me through it. And for me, that person was you. I believe that having you so early was a blessing to show me that despite odds, anyone can make it through anything difficult. I needed someone to show me how to be strong and to fight, even now. And for me, that person is you. I believe that everything in life happens for a reason and God does know what he is doing. I needed someone that believed me and whose love would not wavier even in my darkest times. For me, that person was you. I believe that even when your life is not going the way you planned, that God has a plan. I needed someone to be there with me every step of the way, and for me that person was you. I believe that no matter the " living situation " or the back and forth between parents, that it does not matter because you have an overwhelming amount of love and support that surrounds you every day. I needed to you to know that we are doing the best for you and that I was doing what was best. Through your actions, love, joy. and laughter, you are proving me to every day, that I am doing my best. And whenever I doubt, you are the person that makes me smile and believe again.

And lastly,
I hope that the love you have been given and the love you share will get you through all of your days, even the tough ones. Because there will be tough ones. But just know, you will always have a pair of arms waiting to hug you when you come home.
I hope that make friends and even girlfriends. Ha. Some of these friends may end up being your best friends for life. I can only wish that for you because good friends are hard to find and best friends are even harder. Just dont break too many of the little girls' hearts..
I hope that you take every opportunity to learn as much as you can. I know its an old saying, but a good education does indeed take you far in life.
I hope you dream. I hope you love. I hope you laugh. I hope you know that God is with you each and every step.

I cannot put into words how much I love you and how proud of you I am. I am ever so thankful for God for placing you in my life. And always remember, that no matter how big you get, you will always be my baby.

Love,
Mommy

Who would you have supper with?

I have sit here morning after morning starting at this blank screen trying to think about something to blog about.  Then as I was watching tv someone asked the question, who would you have supper with dead or alive if you could choose. And you can only name 5. I thought this would be an easy question to answer and I was sure I would problems simplifying my list but my mind went blank. Was it bad that I couldnt think of 5 people much less I couldnt think of one! My mind was struggling but not one name popped up. The other sad thing was I could think of more people who I would NOT want to have supper with. 

The more I thought about it the more confused I got and so it was when I didnt think about it that I started coming up with names. So this list is not in order and it was not thought out so no judging. believe me I judged myself! LOL.

Oh yea and the reasons.. well I will give you the first reason that popped in my head and I hope its sufficient.. =)

1. Idina Menzel.... Not because of Glee but because of her career on broadway. And while some of her roles are not the best examples ( Rent.. she was great ) her voice is unbelievable. And the fact she has a family as well makes me smile. I follow her on Twitter and I love seeing her and Taye Diggs tweets back and forth and how much she loves her career and her family. To be able to have both is a dream and a dream of mine. I cant wait to see where her career goes!

2. Tom Hanks... I have always respected him as an actor and a person. I also love the fact that he such a family man. And that he seems to be such a down to earth man. His work in his movies blows me away sometimes and again, I cant wait to see where he is in years to come. He still has whole life ahead of him!

3. Natalie Grant... She is my all time favorite singer and songwriter. Her song " Held " became my life anthem when I was going through a divorce. The way she writes emotions into her songs and her words strike me everytime. It takes a lot for me to hear song over and over again and have my emotions go into a wreck. And yes that song has a personal connection but even then, all of her songs make me smile. And thats exactly what we all need in a world like this.

4. George W. Bush... By far my favorite President and without getting into politics I will leave it there. But he def deserves to be higher than number 4.

5. My husbands dad... He passed away years ago. Now while the relationship between him and Ramon may not have been peachy keen he still needs to know what kind of man Ramon grew up to be. And for that fact, he needs to know how all of children grew up. While I wish I could sit here and say their relationship was perfect at the time of his death, I cant. This is not my story to tell but I will say that out of all the people on this list, he may be number 1. I like to think that he knows what sort of man Ramon is. I would tell him that Ramon is every bit of a husband that God wants him to be. And that through everything, Ramon has been my rock. I cant imagine how hard is to begin a relationship with someone who has been through a rough divorce and has a child. But it was like he saw past all of that. He came into my life when I needed him the most. Besides a great husband, he is a great man. He loves, he cares. And he is great step father to Drew. These are the things he needs to know.

A Year Has Gone Past...

Well almost a year. I think it was July 28 actually. The day I was admitted to the hospital and began fighting for my life. When that happens to you, your perspective on life and everything changes dramatically. It really didn't it me until the other day when Ramon bought it up. But I do do things differently. My priorities have changed. My outlook has changed. The way I live and love have changed. And its hard. People dont get it. People looking in see my house as a mess and cluttered but I see it as time I have spent with my family. And no matter how much I try to convince some people of that, they just dont get it. 
Time with people have changed. When you realize you could have lost it all, you suddenly want it all back and every second counts. And then when someone tells you you are acting dumb for wanting to spend time with someone, its just like you dont get it. So as I sit here with MY family tonight, I remember what is important. I remember I have a place where people love me and dont judge me for how I live or what I want to do. Its a horrible feeling to not be able to share everything good in your life because someone will be there to find one negative thing about it and keep reminding you about it. I dont have time to have that in my life nor do I feel like I need it. Luckily my husband and son are always here to remind me of that. 
Its just been a really hard week. I got home after an amazing service at church and felt like I could kick this week in the butt but it somehow has fallen apart like always. The one good thing is that my sister and her family are in and that has helped. Even if I have gotten to spend a short amount of time with them, it has been time well spent. I dont get to see them very often and since I dont have a job, I like to take the opportunity to see them before they go home. They have such busy lives in GA that its hard for them to get away. And they have so many friends and family here that I think they are just as busy here as they are at home if not busier running around. Like I said, even though its a short time, at least its some time. 
If I have learned anything this past year its that you have to live your life the way you want it and the way that God has planned it out to be. If following him means putting other stuff on hold that do it. Petty stuff that filled your heart and life before shouldnt be there. And most of all, I have learned that with God and my family, I can get through anything. Thanks to everyone who ever said a prayer for me this past year. Its been hard and I hope it just gets easier from here. With me going back to school and Drew starting school and money issues as always and praying for a job, it is still hard. But I pray God guides us through it. Somehow we still have a house and 2 cars and the electric and water has been on for more than a month now finally. We are struggling but I know the only person that can help is God. We have depended on him so much and still do. He gave me a son 5 years ago and a husband almost 3 years ago and I am forever grateful to say that I have never been closer to him than I am right now. I look forward to the future and again.. thanks everyone for coming along the ride with me=)

President Obama

OKay so I have been avoigint this post for a while simply becasue I could not think of how I wanted to approach it. But being it is 3 am and Im not tired, due to I dont know what, I figured why not tackle it. It seems I do my best writing when I dont think about what I am going to say and just type... just keep typing.. just keep typing.. ( in the voice or Dorie )
So first of all before we get started, yes this the third post but technically the other two were last night and this one is Friday morning. Dont get too excited. I am sure I will run out of topics. I have been wating for my labtop to get fixed and my PC but I just way too much on my mind about what I wanted to wrtie.

Im Republican and its no secret. I always have been. Not becasue someone told me to be or forced their opinions on me it happened in high school. I cant remember if there was an exact time but thats when I decided that when I registered to vote I wanted to register as Republican. I have voted every time I could since then and I dont think I have ever voted Democrat on anything.
Now before you start stereotyping me, I am not the one who goes in a booth and votes straight Republican. I actually do listen to both sides. And I ever feel the Republican candidate isnt the person for the job than I will vote against. It has just happened what I agree with what they believe in and stand for every time.
Also I hate voting time due to the commercials. And I hate debates for the most part, both parties. I hate when all they can do is rag on their oponenet for what they did or did not do. Just tell me what you are going to do. Thats all I ask for.
So now that is out of the way now on to our President. I did not vote for him nor would I ever. And not because hes Democrat but because I really dont believe in anything he stands for. I dont think gay marriages should be allowed anywhere. I dont believe in abortion ( its called birth control for a reason ) and I think Obamacare is a joke that we are paying for. I cant tell you what he promised to do becasue his first term all he talked about was how bad Bush was in office and the next term he was dogging Romney over everything. Not to say that Romney wasnt doing it back but again peoples, I dont care about how bad the other guy is just inform me on your plan please. And also let the other guy have his chance to talk withou the eye rolling and the interruption. Im not voting for a baby or a kid so I wont vote for you.
With all of this being said. I still respect our president. I may not hold a lot of respect for him, but he is our president. God places leaders into position so he knew all along he would be in the White House. I trust the Lord and I hope Obama is obeying somehow. I doubt it but I can hope. Also I pray for this position and any leaders in our contry and state. We cant go back and change it, its done. If you want to hate him for the next 4 years well then I guess you have the right to. But I look at it as hes in a leadership role and I will respect that.  I may not respect his decisions but there has to be some reason some of his bills arent getting passed, especially with gun control. God is in control. Obama may not think so but yes indeed he is.
So while he is not my top choice I know God would never place anyone in that role that wasnt prepared for it. And he wouldnt let him destroy us as a nation. We are a string resillent nation under God.
Its not a cmplicated issue and I dont know why people cant let it go. If you believe in God than you know hes in charge. Keep praying and it will be over in 2 1/2  more years!!

Until next time...

Cows have best friends

So my husband decided he would give this whole blogging thing a try. And he has done well. SUrprisingly.. lol. No he is an excellent writer. But his are nice and composed. Mine however he says are random. Well I am random so that makes sens. I figured I write about things that matter every now and then but then I aim to please and to make people smile and laugh. If I have learned anything since August it is to simply smile and laugh. And for you Reds fans, Brandon Phillips. That is all I have to say. So on that note here are some facts about smiling...

There are 19 different kids of smiles.

Women smile more than men.

Smiling will help you get promoted.

Humans can tell the difference between fake smiling and real smiling by looking at their eyes.

A person that studies laugher is a gelotologist.



And now some facts to MAKE you smile

Cows have best friends
 ( Moove got a friend in me )

Cows produce the most milk when listening to the song Everybody Hurts by REM
  ( Crying out the wrong end ? )

Worms communciate by snuggling
 ( On which end?)

Penguins have only one mate and "propose" by bringing them a pebble
( That pebble better have some bling!!)

A sloth only leaves the tree to use the bathroom
 ( Well at least they dont while they are the tree)

A monkey was once tried and convicted for smoking a cigarette in South Bend, IN
 ( Amy from Big Bang better watch out..)

At the time of your birth, you were once for a few seconds the youngest person on Earth.
 ( I did hold a record!! )

There ya go people!! KEEP SMILING!

How influential will you be?

While driving home tonight from a going away celebration for our minister of music, I couldnt help but think of how influential he has been for only a little over a year that I have been serving with him. I had a pretty rocky past and switched churches after a lot of prayer. After meeting with him and singing the first time, I was floored. It was like God placed me there because he speaks to me through music. And it was like he placed Warren there and in my life to help overcome any problems I had. His leadership was so Godly and I cant say enough good about him. He is a wonderful husband, a wonderful dad, a loyal friend, and a great music minister. God really does live through him and his family. Seeing him pack up and leave was really hard for me to understand. I know God is leading him in this direction but it was still really hard not to cry the Sunday morning he told the congregation. I already knew but just hearing it left me with some serious black eyes that morning after church.

With all of this being said, I couldnt help but think about how influential he has been in my life over a short period of time. And he just simply living the word. He was living for God. How influential will I be to someone? Am I already influencing people that I dont know of? Lead with my life. It doesnt matter if I know someone is watching me, as long as I am living by the word of God, I am doing it right. I should have no actions that I am ashamed about. I shouldnt have to worry if someone reads these blogs, my Facebook or sees me out. I am where God wants me and I feel like for the first time in my life, I am living the way God wants me. Its not always easy, but I have to faith that is what God wants. 

Taking this marriage class with my husband has also allowed me to see the kind of wife I am supposed to be. I wasnt doing anything wrong but there was soo much more that I was supposed to be doing. And they were simple things in our eyes but big things to God. And I am striving to do be the wife he wants me to be.

So I ask you, are you an influence on anybody? Do you have kids that watch your every step? Would you be proud that your kids grow up to be just like you? My prayer is that you are. My prayer is that I continue to be.

OMG..

So OMG my computer got infected.. But hopefully it will be back to normal state by tomorrow.. anyhow.. So I thought of using my parents computer since my labtop is still out of order. And then I had all of these thoughts running through my head about things I wanted to blog about and then I couldnt because I had no computer, only an IPad.. So I would just let them go and then duh... my IPad has a keyboard I can hook up. Im such a goofhead sometimes. Anyhow
So as far those things I wanted to blog about.. well I forgot them. People, my memory sucks. And thats at its best. I can have something in my hand, lay it down to go do something, like umm pee, and then come back and cant remember where I put it. I literally had been gone for 5 seconds and its suddenly disappeared!! So then I go back and look and look again and after hours of searching, finally give up. And then I find it. And its not like they are in abnormal places. Just abnormal to me. Except for the time I put my cell phone in the fridge or the remote in the fridge.. maybe I should just look in the fridge from now on. Anyhow.. I blame my mom for this. I never understood that if we were talking and she had something to say that we had to stop our conversation becasue she would forget what she was going to say. And we laughed.. and now its me. I have to say it or it just goes righ by me. And then minutes later it will kick in again and in the middle of a normal conversation I will remember what I was going to say in response to a conversation that had already ended. And its like the weirdest things that tips it off. Like the word.. cow. That will remind me that I was going to say something about a bill. I mean it IS that random. Of course I am pretty random. LOL..
And the other thing that bothered me earlier this week was these 2 people breaking up.. I watch YouTube on a daily basis. Most beauty channels, and other music channels. So there was this beauty guru and a music guy ( MissGlamorazzi and LukeConard ) that had been dating for almost 2 years and they suddenly quit tweeting each other and quit mentioning each other in their videos. And then people started googling it to the point that if you go to Google and type in .. Did Luke and Ingrid break up.. it will be the first thing that pops up into your auto fill in thingy. I mean these people make videos.. but are very popular with the YouTube community. And it just broke my heart when he finally announced it. And then people were asking them questions on Facebook, Twitter, Video Comments... about their dating status. I mean, come on people. They are real. If they broke up, give them time geez.. but it really broke my heart. And I found myself thinking about the possible reasons and then realized what I was doing. I dont know these people. I know them through the camera and that was it. And they are real people. They have real emotions and lead real lives as we know them. Why does it hurt me so bad. Geezz..
But the same can be said for tv characters or movie characters.. but this could only be worse because they are just characters.. they arent real! But still it tears at our heart strings when something happens to our favorite peeps on tv shows, especially soap operas.  But I wont go into detail because I would be here all night naming examples.  My favorite example is Ross and Rachel from Friends.How many nights did we go to bed crying because they broke up. Or how many times did we screen at the screen for Ross's actions when they were on a "break"?? I mean we become so involoved in characters that its just funny sometimes. I am only laughing with you all because I am the first and foremost probably worst at this. I cry, laugh and stay mad over tv shows. Its quite amazing.
So I hope you all have a had a good week! Hopefully I will get my computer back soon so I dont have to resort to this way! And in 10 days I WILL BE AT THE BEACH!!

Ha Ha...
Until Next Time!

50 Random Facts About Me

Good Friday everyone!!
So I hope everyone had a fantastic week and is going to have an even fantasiceerr weekend=) And for those of who do work and dont work, well more for those who dont work and have a husband or wife that does and doesnt have to work this weekend.. this means you. And everyone else as well. ( Wow that just became a whole lot more complicated than I inticipated. ) So anyhow, there is a YouTube tag going around where people spout out 50 Random Facts.. and while I hate jumping on bandwagons.. this one I am. But in word form people not video form.. dont get soo excited. But there is nothing you are missing from the video form of this... so lets go!!
DISCLAIMER : These really are short and random facts. I have not put any thought into this. So no judging! =)

1. I hate clowns, masks, well mostly clowns. They scare me.
2. I hate windchimes. I used to have this saying that everytime a windchime chimed, a clown killed someone.
3. When I was little and my sister was watching me, I used to chase her around the house with a bottle of Pledge.
4. My sister and I used to tape commercials on a cassette tape on rainy days. It was actually pretty goofy but fun!
5. I was not a child who sat indoors and watched tv all day. I spent most summers outside.
6. We had a tradition of going over to my nanny and pa's every Saturday since I think even before I was born. And 30 years later, I still try and do this.
7. My favorite food is steak cooked Med Rare - Rare..
8. I love salad. Acutally I love lettuce and cucumbers.
9. I looove roller coasters.
10. My husband does not.
11. Although we love water parks!
12. My son was only 3lbs at birth.
13. I own a PC that we got really really cheap. And I own a MAC labtop that needs to be fixed. The sooner the better.
14. I do actually look forward to getting a job.
15. I have a wonderul loving support system in my family.
16. My sister and I have seemed to get closer the further away she moved.
17. I miss my sissy.
18. And also bro in law and 2 nephews and 1 neice.. I miss them too.
19. I started working when I was 16 and have spent most of that at Lowes.
20. I worked in every dept except electrical and plumbing. Did not really feel like being the blame for a fire or a flood.
21. This is harder than it sounds.
22. Music is my life.
23. I have wrote and performed a song at my last church,
24. I was in a band called " Small Spark" when I was in college.
25. I hold a bachelors degree in Public Relations.
26. I wanted to be a Meteorologist when I was in Kindergarten. Still did up until I decided to stay in KY out of high school.
27. Still would love to.
28. If I had 5000.00, I would love to go on a storm chase.
29. My other dream job is to be on broadway.
30. I have no dream of visiting anywhere over seas.
31. I love Las Vegas!
32. If I could go anywhere, it would be.... good question. Somewhere beachy or somewhere really cold with snow.
33. I hate hot weather.
32. I love cold!
33. I love snow!
34. I love animals, but have no pets.
35. I had a dwarf rabbit that was black and white and named Disney for 13 years. The life span was only 3-35. My aunt and uncle got it for me for Christmas.
36. I once upon a time wanted a pig.
37. My sister and I each had a goldfish. They lived for a really looong time.
38. They are buried in a jewelry box behind where we used to live. I wouldnt let my dad flush them.
39. I have many scars on my knees and elbows from bike wrecks.
40. I cannot drive a stick shift.
41. When pumping gas, I had to stop on a dividend of 5.
42. My husband doesnt have to and makes sure I know it when I am in the car.
43. I have known my husband for over 20 years. And I am glad I finally got to marry him.
44. I have all of my letters that my friends and I wrote from middle school on.
45. I also have my diaries that I started writing when I was in grade school.
46. If I could live anywhere, I would live close to the beach or in Nashville or somewhere that gets snow!
47. I love storms.
48. My son is my rock and literally saved me back when he was just 1 month old. I am grateful!
49. I was raised in church and love it!
50. I want to start a video vlog but dont want people I know to make fun of me, so I wont.

So thats it!
I hope you enjoyed it!

Until Next Time=)

Write! And Whats Up This Week=)

Hey guys!! So I am running on complete no sleep energy.. I went to bed at 10.. got up at 2 and then back to sleep at 3 and then back up at 4.. and been awake since. I have been editing some photos to put on here to let you all know what I have been doing.. I know you all are so interested but you are reading this so I am thinking you just may be interested. So yesterday I got my stent yanked out but it is out!! It bothered me some last night after church and then it got okay. And then, oh about 15 minutes ago, it started hurting really bad. I had so much stuff I wanted to get accomplished today but looks like its gonna fall on tomorrow and this weekend. It will get done. It will. I am like the little engine that could.. and I just keep telling myself.. it will get done. It will get done. Okay.. so  we wil see..
So as far as the other big part of our summer.. includes a small group at our church called " The Real Marriage. " I am not going into detail about anything because this is not the place. However I do want to keep you in the loop.. its a great study and we are only on week 1 but we are both looking forward to it. This is the first marriage study we have done together and the first one I have ever done period. We just felt led to participate. There was no if ands or buts about it. And for the reason that God has thrown so many obsticales at us. I feel like we have been through more the last 2 years than most couples have been. Between job losses, finances, sicknesses. surgeries.. we keep getting our hands dealt. And not good hands. But through it all, even though there have been times my faith has been shaken, we have stood together. We have tried to keep God the center and we know we have to if we are going to face everything head on. We are dealing with stuff now but we are still here. We still have the love for each other and I love him more every day. I knew this was a study for us and I am looking forward to diving deep in it with each other and learn. God is our teacher. We listen and learn from him. The 11 weeks ahead of us are going to be challenging at some times but also holding hands through it is what will keep us going. So that pretty much sums up what I guess Session 1 is about but I am not going to do this every week.. I just felt the need to share what I just did.. guess I had a reason to write after all.
So moving forward. I guess I have always had it in me to write. I kept diaries even when I was in grade school. ( I still have them.. but there location is MIA at the moment.. but I know there are floating somewhere.. ) Anyhow.. I found this journal while I was in Gatlinburg called " Memories : Our Family Journal " I didnt get it and I regreted it because then I could not find it. Finally after a lot of searches on Google, I finally found it. And the company makes so many different sorts of journals. Its pretty cool. And if I had it in front of me, I would tell you the company. But you know whats not gonna happen. So anyhow, I love it for the fact that every page is labeled with different things to write. Such as news, events. happenings, memories of the day, prayers and concerns.. and on the back is a whole page for family notes. And every page is the same. So I love that. And its just happened that I got it about a week before the Boston bombings and then the tornados that just hit.. so there has been a lot to write down. Not to mention the stuff that we have done as a family. I love it!!
So thats about it.. Im done sitting in this chair so I guess laundry and then the couch for a bit. Then going to go see my parents and hang out for a while. I hope you all are having a great day / week!

Until next time..

I have no title

Sometimes you just dont have a title to a post.. it doesnt mean its bad, just means I have no title. So yeah.. thats gonna be this post's title.
Okay.. so it is about midnight on this lovely Saturday night and due to my late getting our sheets into the dryer, we are just now turning in for the night. Well, Ramon is at least. I have no sleepiness in my body yet.  So here we go again.. however YoutTube will love me because I just end up watching beauty vlogs and funny moments from Boy Meets World ( I love that show.. ) and other stuff. So I thought I would come in here and write a little. So if you read yesterdays post number 1, you will know I had a lot of built up stuff that I was getting out. As the day progressed, it got better. And then today, I had this weird like crazy energy. I was talking really weird and making my son laugh his head off and then breaking into random song ( not real songs.. just songs I made up lol.. okay.. thats embarrasing ) after each phrase I would say. I was like a walking weird comedy act. It was quite amusing. And Im sure if you ask Ramon he will just laugh. I seriously went on a talking phase for like a good hour. I dont even know what or whom I was talking to or about. I was just talking. It is weird how this built up stuff comes out sometimes. But I can say it was better than the whole anger thing. And Im sure my furniture and non living stuff appreciated it a little more. Okay..
So I had a lot of " really?" things today. You know, when you are faced with something weird and you are like " really?" I was DVRin the top 100 Breakthough Performances and it got to number 50 and stopped. I didnt miss any episodes. It just wasnt on there. Im expecting they are going to finish next week but " really "? That was quite annoying. I did however enjoy it and got some new ideas for songs for my IPod. ( Because when you get the chance to download some new songs, my mind goes blank and I cant think of any!! ) Thanks FUSE Channel for helping and then leaving me with a " really "? Aauugghh
And then while I was digging up some plants, our previous owners had put landscaping fabric down. Now I used to work at Lowes and would help people with this I highly suggested it because it does help keep weeds at bay. And it indeed had worked in this case as well. ( Love you all so dont take this the wrong way ) ( Yea we knew the previous owners.. ) BUT when you are digging up the plants that have been there so long, the fabric makes it almost inpossible to break through. " Really "? And I said that many times today. Maybe its the plants saying.. ha ha. You shouldnt dig me up and thats what you get. I really think they were laughing at me. And then I have my 5 year old son saying, " Mommy you shouldnt be doing this. You have a stent." But no, I go on and do it anyhow. And yes Im paying for it and its getting worse by the minute but I have a high tolerance for pain.. but ouch. I really should have listened to my son and husband. And I wonder where Drew gets his stubborness from.. oops. The one trait I had to pass on to him..
But my rose bush got planted ( my second one.. the first one I got last year for Mothers Day ) it looks sooo pretty..

I do have a picture of the final product, however it is in the other room and Im good where Im at... lol

So we had a good family day. Drew had fun with this Powerwheel and drawing all over the concrete and helping me.. and taking the rocks out of the dirt with his trucks and piling them in the garage..Yeah gonna have to put those back.
So while I could jabber on and on right now, I will spare you. Heres to a good night sleep.

Much love=)

PS--My blog is almost at 2000 views.. may not be seem like a lot but I think its pretty awesome=) Thanks!!

Oohh memories

So yes tonight was a definite walk down memory lane. The elementary school which I spent 5 years of my life is getting torn down this summer. It is sort of bittersweet. I see the need for a new school but seeing part of your past torn down is hard. And not to mention it is where I indeed met Ramon. Ms Hall's 4th grade class. He says I was too busy being a teacher's pet and talking that I did not pay attention to him. However, I did. In both 4th and 5th grade. As a matter of fact, I wrote in my diary waaay back then about him. So he cannot argue this point. I indeed tried to talk to him. It was him that would not talk back. LOL.. Anyhow the rest is history. And walking through those halls reminded me of how simple life was back then. We did our homework by hand. We respected others and our teachers. We used manners. ( most of the time.. ) We made friends. And some who are still friends to this day. We had loving families who were there for almost if not all of our programs. We were kids. We weren't expected to be all grown up, even as 5th graders. Some of my best memories are from that school. I can look at the yearbook and tell you the names of almost everyone without looking at the names. We have watched everyone grow up ( with the help of Facebook ) get married, and have kids of their own. Still the memories linger.. And we have lost some classmates. They will never be forgotten. And I will always go back in my mind and remember times we all shared together.
So yea, it is bittersweet. But though the building and materials are going to be gone and years from now a lot of people wont even remember what the building looked like, the memories won't be. Nobody can tear those down. I only hope Drew has the same experience that I did throughout school. I hope he makes new friends. I hope he respects his teachers and everyone. I hope he mistakes, because thats how you learn. I hope he knows he has a loving family behind him in no matter what he does. That is my wish for him. It may be simple, but I like the simple sorts of stuff. I guess I am a simple girl=) And I hope to make it a simple world as much as I can for Drew. =)

Central, thanks for the memories. I will cherish them always!

Much Love=)

Nerves of Steel....

I am not even sure I am going to post this so if I do just beware.. its a lot of ranting. However this is my escape. My way of letting everything go and be said. There are only 2 ways that I can get rid of this stress and my nerves just so freakin tight that I want to scream and throw something across the room... and the 2 ways are 1) PRAY and 2) WRITE.
So the reason I am not sure about posting this is because I have promised to make these blog entires about different stuff and not about my life and situation. But sometimes, its good to be real. And I like being real. It helps me get out what I need to. So here goes..
Everyone knows I dont have a job. My unemployment is on hold right now.. at least until Monday so Ramon and I are.. well you  know the saying.. I dont feel the need to write it. But do you ever let something get to you so bad that you think you are good. That everything is fine and as long as you have a smile on your face that its okay. You know you are going to make it through it and you just keep going the best you can. And then something tips it. That little thing that has been sitting there waiting to cross the line into serious nerve breakdown. Well yea. For me, it was a little thing called a haircut. My hair needs cut. Like seriously. Like so bad I cannot do a thing about it. I would rather just stick on a hat everywhere. And I am not brave enough to try and trim it myself. I mean I guess it couldnt get any worse. Okay, so I may be exaggerating a little. But the whole point, is that I was really looking forward to it looking nice again. And I had to cancel. Because we cannot afford it. And that peoples, is the tipping of the whatever that just started to eat at my nerves today. And thank goodness I have not had anything in my hand or it would have been thrown across the room. So to say that I am on edge today is probably an understatement. So what do I do to not be so angry and grumpy and yelling at everything in my house even though there are no living things with me right now... yea that is sort of embarassing.. however.. what do I do? Besides cry I sit and I literally shake. Im serious. When I say my nerves are pushed I think they are literally shaking inside my body. so then I PRAY and I WRITE. So while I will look back at this post later and probably regret posting it.. I am going to anyhow. I like to be real with you all and this is what is happening right now. So Im blabbering however, I feel some better. I guess as long as I dont look in the mirror and then I think, oh crap! I have to pick my son up at school so I have to look decent. And then I think , oh crap! I have somewhere to be tonight and possibly see people I havent seen in a while and of course I have to look better than decent. Crud. Just crud.
So I know some people say this to take this and turn it in to something productive. Okay. No. Thats not happening. People that say crazy things like that have never possibly had to cancel a haircut. I mean because is what it comes down to. Okay, call me crazy. But I really dont know what else could happen. And as soon as I say that, something else will. This whole life throwing us things is not too good. I mean it really has thrown everything at us and we are catching it and wishing I could throw it back. Not at anyone but just throw it back. You name it, its probably happened. And not just over time but like in the last 2 weeks or even shorter time frame than that. And when it all bottles up inside of you, its going to explode sometime. And I guess this morning was time for it to go off. So as for the rest of the day, I just feel sorry for the non living things in my house because they are going to experience the worst of it. And they will see me cry. And they will hear me scream for no reason. ButI guess its good that all of this will pass before I go get my son and my husband comes home and then we head out. Maybe I can put makeup on without looking at my hair. Because of course, it will probably spark something again.
Okay.. so thats it. Dont judge. I am sure everyone has these days and that everyone can relate somehow. I just write and get it out. I have always done that. Maybe I shouldnt have done it on here but oh well. Luckily my faith in God is strong. And there are several verses from the Bible that I keep repeating in my head to calm me down. I know he is looking over us. And I know that through friends and family. I will never understand why we just keep getting hit over the head so many times but there is a reason. And one day, I hope to see it. So as I continusly pray today and cry and scream, my faith will not be shaken. I will not let it be. So as bad as this post may sound, know that inside, is God. Is faith. Is love. Is understanding. Is confused. But is also loved. And also loves back. Is passionate about so many things. Is going to be okay. And is much less stressful than I was at the beginning of this post. Its going to be alright.

Much love=)

YouTube and my Addiction

So I have no clue what I even wrote about last time. All I know is I promised I would write more and here it is.. not quite a month.. but geez. I am trying to confront the room where this computer is located into an office/craft space and well it has sort of a mix between the 2 and it needs some serious TLC but it seems easier just to close the door. Its not dirty and I know where things are.. so this computer gets alienated at times. Good thing for the IPad because my labtop is still sitting on stuck until we get it fixed. Most of the blogs from previous times were done from the comfort of my couch due to health reasons.
Yes if you dont know , I received yet another stent last time. I go back on May 22nd to see where to go from there. That is all.
Vacation is only a little bit over a month from now! Thank goodness for my parents and the reason we get to to go . This girl needs some time away and even out of the state. I think I deserve it.. well I guess they do too=)

So this blog is not going to be another like down on my luck blog because until noted otherwise, just consider it okay that we still are. There is no use harping on it because that is not going to change the story. You all know the story and not much has changed. Feel free to read previous blogs if you arent familiar..

So with that being said, I thought I would touch on a couple of things that exist on the internet that I havent really ever dove into because of time and just never knew it was sooo popular. We are talking about.. YouTube. Now dont faint. I knew it was out there and I knew some very funny videos came from it. I have been to the site and even have it as my app. And yes I even use have used it for half of the songs on my ITunes.. ( hey when you are a music lover like me and are on budget, you do what do what you have to do... dont judge=) ) And so my discovery came about by a mistake one day. I was looking on Facebook on something and it mentioned someones YouTube Channel. Oh. I must have really been out of the loop because I didnt know channels existed. I always saw the little blue subscribe button but never hit it. And after some real research I have found by us hitting that button can get people paid. Yes. In real dollars. Basically if you have a hobby then YouTube has channels for you. And while yes they are going to begin charging, most channels I watch have boycotted that and was like, no, thats crazy. And are still very much free. If you are going to make a purchase that you are unsure about or between, type it in YouTube. More than likely someone has reviewed it already and unlike reading about it, you can actually see it. It makes a huge difference. Now the channels I watch are more or less in the same category. That category being channels that my husband finds very boring. I watch craft, beauty and like home related stuff. Now before you start saying, oh these are useless, you need to watch before you judge. I have found so many creative ways to organize my stuff and clean my stuff while spending hardly anything. And the good thing, is that these people put up new videos often so I can always go back and on my home page, there they are.. its simply amazing. And then from those channels.. you find others and so on and so on and so on.. So while yes there are still bad thing, I have found more of the good. Okay, some of the channels are for pure enjoyments such as the beauty channels just because I love to hear people talk about beauty things and then there is the guy I watch who posts worldly weird news and spins it so it is hillarious.. but there are those that are informational in which I gather important information from... okay so I cant help it if the other channels just seem to post more and just happen to be more of. It takes my mind off a lot that is going on and a lot that I am dealing with and if it puts a smile on my face then I am all for it. And if my house in turn gets cleaned and organized, then my husband would say hes all for it=)
So yeah thats my rant on the whole YoutTube thing. I think you should go and check some videos out. There are a lot floating out there and again, not all bad. So go check them out and comment back on some that you are lovin right now!! My husband is currently updating his Megapolis or I would share with you some of favorites.. I may do that tomorrow or later=) But right now.. its time for BIG BREAK!! YAY!!

Until Next Time!!
Much love=)

Tea and Sympathy

Okay so I really dont know what that title means.. it was playing on my ITunes and I couldnt think of a title on my own so I just said the next song that comes on will be the title... I was a little scared of what song would pop up next=)
Anyhow.. its been almost 2 months since I have written and basically for the fact that not much has changed and I hate writing when the world seems to be crashing down because I feel like all of my posts are like that. I really have been trying to look at the positive side but its get hard at times. So an update :
I am having surgery tomorrow to get another stent out and to fix a blockage near my kidney. Sounds like fun.. wish you were me I bet=) And then there is another option for a surgery to try and get my bladder working correctly that I am considering. The best way I can describe it, its like a pacemaker for your bladder. It can work for people who pee too much or too little. Having worked in the urology office, I have seen people have this surgery and have great results. So I am probably going to head down that road. Nothing else has seemed to help and at this point, Im up for anything.
Job wise : not much of an update. I have applied but part of me wants a job but then other part of me is like what if I have this surgery? It means Im going to have be out and I dont want to start a job and then have to miss. I did have someone email me about wanting to interview me for a HR job. And as excited as I am, Im almost afraid to go. It would be awesome to get a job in HR, but at the same time, can my health really take it? My answer is .. pray. If I go to the interview and get the job, Im obviously going to take it... but its one of those things that Im just not sure of right now. Its been a prayer of mine the last 2 months and now Im scared to death I will get one. GEEZ!! Why does everything have to be so difficult? LOL
School Update : I am going back to school get get my Masters in Human Resource Leadership. It is through Sullivan University but completly online. I have started already and these classes are tough. But I think I have an advantage having worked since I was 16 and seen the good and bad of HR people. That is one of the main reasons I wanted to get into this field. I really feel I could do an adequate job and better then some I have worked with. So again my health is having a hit on it but luckily they have been really nice and understanding.
So that is all the updates I have. I really wish I could tell you everything has gotten better but really it hasnt. I just keep praying and keep having faith. I am not alone in anything I do and I have to remember that. Some days are harder than the others and some days are great. I just hope those great days keep multiplying!
Sorry for the big gap in between posts.. I promise I will not wait for 2 months to post another one!!
Thanks=) And rememeber if you have any advice or anything, leave a comment. Or even if you want my opinion on something just post it and let me know. I love to type and that would give me some things to write about!

Until next time=)

Passing on Life....

I dont use these blogs to promote things or to really harp on many subjects but tonight may be a little different. I am reminded today of how life really can be taken for granted and how the smallest decisions can be a life saving decision for someone else.
A couple of years ago, I was sitting with Ramon when we received news that his uncle was not doing very well at all. In fact, I think most of his family was at the hospital just waiting and knowing that he would never leave the hospital again. He was in the need of a liver transplant and the need was emergent or he was not going to make it. A few hours later, Ramon answered the phone fearing the worst.
On the other side of the hospital, a man laid in the hospital nearing his death. He had fought a disease all of his life just to see it finally take toll. He was a loving husband, father, son, and friend. It was too soon for him to go but God had decided it was time. Little did we know that night, that his familie's decision would be a decision that would bring life to someone else.
The phone call Ramon received wasnt the worst. In fact, his uncle was being rushed to the operating room to receive a new liver. They were told that it was flown in and that he was going to be receiving it. What a blessing and an answer to many prayers! But with that happiness came a little guilt and sadness for they knew somewhere a family was grieving the loss of someone special. It could have been Ramon's family suffering the loss but it wasnt. And we could only pray for his uncle during surgery and then pray for the faily that donated the liver.
While this was happening, I received news that my ex's cousin's husband had passed away. He had been sick for a long time and I remember feeling so sad because I knew of the family of he was leaving behind. I had met him before and couldnt understand why God would do this. So while a prayer for Ramon's uncle was being sent up for healing and a successful surgery, one was also being sent up for the family of my ex's cousins family as they were suffering a terrible loss.
They told Ramon's family that the liver had been flown in, yet the waiting room they had been in which was located right by the helipad, never echoed the sounds of a helicopter landing. In fact, it was such a surprise it was almost like the doctors had just found out that his uncle would be receiving the liver that no later he was being rushed to the operating room. And just across the hosptial, my ex's cousin had just finished saying goodbye to her husband as they prepared him for organ donation.
Wow... now I didnt put 2 and 2 together until a day later when I was talking to Ramon. Could that really be? I had personally never known anyone to receive an organ donation and I had never known anyone to donate their organs, again not personally at least. As I started asking questions, it fell into place. My ex's cousin's husband donated his organs and his liver went to Ramon's uncle. It was unsure for a while but afer a couple of months, I think it was finally confirmed. To witness one is a miracle but to know both people involved was overwhelming.
Ramon's uncle is doing well and out doing things he has not been able to in a long while. And this was all thanks to a family deciding to not only make an organ donation, but to save lives while doing it. It was amazing to say the least to experience both sides of the story. And I am just reminded, once again, of how precious life can be.
So my point is if are not an organ donor, thatn you should be. If you are unsure, than you do the research on your own and make that choice but I have seen first hand, the impact it can make. I won't go on and on about it because it is a very personal decision but I would like to think that when God does decide that it is my time that I would be able to make the same impact on other families just as I get to witness the impact it had on Ramon's family.

Happy Birthday to a great man who was very loved and will be remembered by many=)

Friday!

So I have looked at these other blogs to see how they continue with them writings and to gain traffic. I'm not a greedy person so at first I wasn't too worried about numbers, But after seeing my blog hit 1000 I started thinking. And here's the greedy part. As you all know I'm doing my best to find a job while getting weekly from being so sick. So I had several ideas on how to turn what I already do into some sort of cash. Even if it's 1.00 a week it's a start. So you may see some changes on my blog due to me trying to cash in on this. There will be some ads and feel free to visit them:)
Also I'm on a site where I can give reviews or my opinions on anything in writing. So I will be doing that too. However the way I'm going about this is to pick certain days for topics I have to cover and then the rest will be for just me to write:) so I help you keep reading and enjoy some different submissions. I am looking forward to it and glad I can take you along! The next blog will be about different products I have. I'm a tech geek and little as seen on tv geeks so if I have the product, I will be completely honest and tell you what I think.  It's going to be called, Tell you What I Think Fridays. Thanks for the support and anything you want me jot about please leave a comment!

What do you envy?

So yes I know it has been a while.. everytime I sat down to blog, my mind went blank. I tried to take inspiration from others blogs and news and events going on.. but I just couldn't get started with even just one word. But as I sit here tonight, I have a bazillion thoughts in my head. Just like you let stuff pile up, well my mind is piled up.
The thing I started to think about today, was how much I say Im jealous of something. For example, I posted something today on Facebook about being jealous of though who were getting the snow in the midwest. ( I love the snow, and vow to live somewhere where I get to enjoy it all winter.. Ramon doenst know this plan yet LOL ) But with the snow, comes the cold. And the more snow, the bigger the problems. Me? I just see the pretty white snow and dont pay attention to all of the lower problems it brings. Because I dont want to see that, I just want to see the outer of it.
I think that is true in most cases of jealousy. What we see may be grand, but we dont see the problems that go along with it. After all, we wouldnt be jealous of it then , now would we?
Lets say, for example, you pass houses, saying to yourself, I would really love to live in a place like that. What you may now know, is that the people living there may be in great debt. They may not be a family in sorts. They could live a shallow life full of nothing but possessions like the house, their brand new car and new in style clothing. But we dont see that. All we see is the pretty house, the brand new car and the clothes we wish we could afford and look that good in. Are they really that happy? Would it be worth giving up what you have just to have those material things? I may not have the grandest home, but inside is a loving family who makes this house a home. I have a house and a car and clothes. And while they may not seem like big fancy things to some, they are my fancy things. I am grateful to have them. I look at it this way, there are people without homes, without cars and without clothes. So the ordinary things to me, are huge to other people. And then it goes from that. When you are the bottom and all you can do is look up, then anything seems grand to you.
Then you have those millionaries that want to be billionaires. Money is not an option and they can get whatever they want whenever they want. It doenst matter if it sacrfices someone elses happiness or not. But those people are never satisfied. They only live to want more. That mansion is all nice until someone you know gets one bigger then its like an all out fight to keep up and do betther the rest of their life. Who exactly are they trying to prove? Is someone sitting alone in a 15 bedroom house, really all that happy? We may think money would make us happy but in the long run. no.
It has only taken me 30 years to really see this. Of course, we all could use and want more money, each for our own reasons. But when is enough enough? When can we say, I am satisfied and happy. It takes people too many years to get to that point. But in this world, no one can blame them. Jealousy is an evil that takes over lives way too often. I know it floods my thoughts much to often during the day. You may think jealousy doenst lead to any hard, but think of it like this.
Jealousy is that of a husband that looks in the mirror and sees gray hair, debt and 3 screaming kids with one on the way. He sees a mini van and a wife who doenst look quite like she did when they got married. He sees his Friday nights being spent at school functions, and Saturday nights the same. The one day he can enjoy watching tv and football may come on a Sunday afternoon but that is only after his wife drags him to church. And now that football game he wanted to watch has now been replaced by the sounds of cartoons. He goes to get ont he computer only to find the kids fussing over who gets to play next. He yells at his wife but she is too busy yelling at him to help around the house some, and doesnt that grass need mowing? Maybe he can find some peace outside... but the mower runs over toys that were left out in the yard. When does the cycle end? He comes in just to have to give the children a bath and maybe then he can have some alone time, not with this wife, just with him. But hes interrupted as his wife is yelling at him to come to bed or else. He rolls into bed just long enough for the next day to start over. Then off to work at a job he hates but has to have. But something is different. There is a new young woman that has started her first day where he works. She is young, pretty and his eyes full of life. Something he feels he has been drained of. They talk. They have lunch and he starts to become jealous of her life. She can go home and watch whatvever tv she wants, she can lounge around in silence. So he starts to fantisize and every night he goes home, his thoughts of this other woman and life, start to take over his life. She invites him over one night. He makes up some story and goes, even though his gut is telling him not to. But its quiet, there are no kids, there is no nagging wife. There are no chores. He gives in and after a while, all seems quite right with the world. Then she finds about the marriage, then his wife finds out who in return kicks him to the curb. He has it made right? He can go home to silence. He can go home and finally watch those sporting events he has longed to watch. He can get onto his labtop. He can go to bed whenever he wants and he even doesnt have to mow his own lawn. But then he starts to look in the mirror in the mornings, and in his reflection he not only sees gray hair but thats all he sees. At least at his old house, he would see gray hair and maybe kids and his wife in the reflection. The silence seems to eat at him now. He longs for the cartoons and the kids fussing. He goes to bed early now only to sleep beside an empty pillow and cold sheets. What happened? He goes to see his kids and his wife still doesnt look the like the woman he married, only prettier. He doesnt hear the kids fussing and screaming anymore, only their laughs and giggles ring through the air. And those cartoons, well they are sort of funny. He threw all of this away?? Yea because he was jealous.
So see?? While this may be a huge dramatic example, you see where I am going!! So be happy with what you have and what God had blessed you with.I am here. I am alive and God has given me a chance at life and thats the way I look at it. And while, yes a little bit of me is still jealous of the kids playing in the snow, I can hope!

=)

Fearless

Have you ever been hit in the head so many times with the same message that you just have to listen to it? I mean really, it started off with a book I am reading, then every time I turned on the radio it was on, and then it continued with our Pastor’s sermon. The message? Don’t worry.

The book I am reading is called “Fearless” by Max Lucado. I was drawn to this book a couple of weeks ago. I was worrying about losing my job and other things and this book was sort of laid out of front of me. I like the examples he uses and the words just seem to hit home.

I listen to my Itunes mix cd’s and my music on my phone a lot but every now and then I will turn on K-Love and this week,  think every song I heard was telling me to let go and let him. It was in the form of different songs by different artists.  And I remember laughing telling myself, okay God, I get it.

Then our Pastor preached about part of it on Sunday. If you are putting something, anything, over top of God, then you are worshipping other Gods. Now don’t get me wrong. I worship God in that sense. But I have been putting worry in front of trusting God wholly. This hit home.

But don’t I have a right to worry? Some would argue that I would. I wake  up every morning dreading going to the mailbox because I know there are bills sitting in there waiting to be paid. And they wont be. Right now do the utilities. I worry that I wont have electric or water. And then I run and turn down the heat just so I conserve energy. How could I not worry?

I worry because I have to get this stent pulled in a couple of weeks and the last time I had it pulled in the office, I ended in the ICU and almost died. I just learned they had to resuscitate me after surgery. That hits home hard. And when the doctors are scared to death to do it, then I worry cause they are worried. Isn’t that reason enough?

I worry because I cant look for a job right now due to my medical condition. It will be a while before I am able to apply for jobs and actually take interviews knowing I can work. I have had 4 appointments in the last 2 weeks and I have 2 already scheduled in the next 2 weeks along with 2 more Im pretty sure I have to make. I worry because I feel like Im the reason we are behind on our bills.

I worry. Simply worry.

But in the wake of everything , I am supposed to cast my worries aside and trust God. It is not an easy task. So as I am reading the book, he uses many examples from the Bible. For example, when Jesus took the disciples on the boat, a big storm erupted. The disciples were worried and was wondering why Jesus was asleep through all of this. They were scared and worried and was running out of faith.

He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. ( Matthew 8:26)

Don’t you feel at times, he is asking us all that question. This is only one of many times he asks this question. God gave us these stories not to look back and be amazed but to look forward with faith.

I not only pray for faith but also patience. I know all will be done in God’s time. I have no doubt. I do have faith. He knew the plan for me before I was even conceived. So I just have to turn everything to him.

For those of you out there that read this, send a little prayer up for me and my family. And I will send a prayer for everyone out there struggling with the same thing, or it may be a different thing. I appreciate it!

=)

PS—My page has now over 1000 views! How awesome=) I hope my words have become an inspiration to you and I hope to continue!

Gun Control

Okay so no this post is not all about gun control but with all of the school shootings and other shootings, it had me puzzled. Now I am going to warn you ahead of time. I am all for people owning guns so if you dont agree with me, thats okay. Just saying...
I read Facebook posts day in and day out about how guns kill people. Then I read the ones about how guns dont kill. Many post stats about how other weapons, such as knives and baseball bats, kill more people each year then guns. So if they are going to take away our right to have a gun ( and no I dont have one in the house... I would but it would be small and Drew wouldnt know about it.. ) are they going to take everything in our house that we could use to kill or hurt someone?
I watch the ID Channel a lot. In fact, I have warned Ramon that if he ever hurt me that I could easily get rid of his body and know exactly how to do it without being caught! HA!=) Anyhow, every show I watch involves crimes of some sort, but mostly murders. The crazy thing is that most of the murders that they showcase happen with a weapon other than a gun. Rarely were people found shot to death. ( One cop said it was because of the sound. The gun going off would cause attention. So they find something to beat or stab them to death ) So no, guns arent the main cause of peoples deaths. And the whole gun control issue needs to stay as is or just go away.
As far as what causes the violence in the world is simple. Satan. I have read someone else's blog about this issue and he explained it very well. Satan is alive and will do anything to overcome Christians and our beliefs. He is already shown his face in the shootings and all of the massive destruction in the past years. But who can we blame? We have taken God out of school, work and now government. For example, there was a town ( cant remember ) where the mayors and clerks and employees of the city said a prayer before their day started. Guess what? Someone said something and now they arent allowed to do it anymore. Really? When I was in high school, we had a club called FCA and ASHRAM.. We were allowed to meet on school grounds but it had to be before or after school hours. I dont even know if those programs lasted. I dont get why people are blaming video games, television, music, bad parenting, etc... cant they see? If we are taking God out of our daily lives, then Satan is going to take over. And its not going to stop until the world comes to  a stop or more and more people come to know Jesus.
My son goes to a private school. So they have chapel where they sing and worship and they do say prayer before they eat snack. He knows all of the pledges : American and Christian Flag and Bible. And I am glad they have taught him. We were driving home one night and he looked up and saw the American flag at a bank. He then asks me where the Christian flag was. I told him they dont hang them up. He saiid, " Mommy, they ought to. I will look in to that." Besides my laughter, it got me thinking. Everytime I see the American flag I know how lucky I am to live in this country. So what would people do if they saw the Christian flag hanging everywhere? Would it change their perspectives? Would it change our city? Would it change anything? I for sure would see it and know everytime I am lucky and blessed to know Jesus and what he did. I would hope other people would too. But I know that would never happen. And I know its going to get worse as the years go by. Thats why as Christians, it is our job to spread the word and the gospel of Jesus Christ. Thats why we were put here wasnt it? To do Gods work. And whatever talent he has given us, we need to use for him. I sing, so I use my talent when I can. And I do feel like I get through to people when I sing.
So agree with me or not. Thats where I stand. And I just pray everyday that we are doing our best as Christians to live as he would want us too. No matter what happens or how Satan gets to us at times, we cant let him defeat us. God is much stronger and we need to rely on him through every good and bad situation. We cried when 9/11 happened. We cried with the people of the Sandy Hook tragedy. But all along, we prayed too. We will get through this as long as our heart stays in the right place. So, use your talents. Spread the word. Thats the only way Satan will be defeated.

New Years Resolution ( A Couple Weeks Later )

Ha. New years resolution? Never have had one. And I guess I dont this year either. Heck, I just want to be healthy and live another year. ( Sort of funny, sort of not, huh ) I guess mine would be to try not to complicate my life. Why are things so complicated and why do we let the little stuff get us to the point of where we are stressing about everything? I probably dont stress enough about certain things according to some people but its life. We go from day to day doing the same things and the same routine. And I just dont like that. I hate getting into a normalicy. I mean being normal is cool and all and I like that safe haven but then again I like to add a little bit of something. ( Although I think I have added enough of that the last couple of months for my family lol ) I know, I know, Im by far not normal in more than one aspect but Id like to take some other aspects and not be normal. ( Have I confused you? I think I have confused myself.. give me a minute to reread what I just wrote )
Oh okay... what Im getting at, is that as I have been home and playing housewife, Im getting bored. There are things I could be doing but some days ( due to pain as well ) I would rather just watch my lifetime movies and not move. Then some days I have cleaned. And then Im back to my lazy days. Even if you work, depending on the type of work you do, its pretty much the same. You get up, go to work, come home, do whatever, go to bed, go to sleep. ( Unless you are my sister, then you can add about 50 things in between of all that on at least 5 days of the week ha ha ) And since I cant really start looking for a job until after my surgery is done, Im stuck. However, there are a lot of projects for me to do around here and I have warned Ramon that as long as it doesnt cost money, it will be done. ( Pinterest has become a good friend to me the last couple of hours actually. I never understood what people were talking about until today... huh. Guess I was better off ) I am also trying to find ways to make money. Which is sort of hard. But thats another subject in itself. Play , I know Im rambling so let me get to the point. Even if I have to put a different project in front of me everday, my goal is to do something. And not just clean and cook and the ordinary house jobs. I mean something I can enjoy. When Drew is here, he can help=) Or we will end up playing Batman all day ( Did I mention how everyone in his class refers to him as Batman now? I just hope if something happens, he really knows hes not Batman ) Even something to take my mind off the job loss and the sicknesses. I want to wake up not in pain and not worried about being sick or getting sick. So once I have my surgery to remove this stent ( which is huge if you were wondering ) maybe those wishes will come true. I have yet to find a reason that I keep getting sick but I and my doctors Im sure are tired of it. ( Pretty bad when you ask for medical records from a doctor you have only seen since August, and they give you a box instead of an envelope. Yes people, I walked out with a box ) ( My mom has decided since Im such a mystery to some, that I should be able to see them free of charge and I agree ) Anyhow... I will find a way to break the normal around here if it should become so bad. And I hope you all do too. I think its the excitement and unknown that makes up happy. Heck, Id even go for writing down a bunch of projects and putting them in a box and pulling one out each morning. Huh. I can come up with some pretty good ideas on here typing.
So the point to this blog? I have no clue. But if you get something out of if, even if its a laugh, then Im good=)

BA